Adventures in Wordspinning

Fiction Writing in an age of facts

2012-02-05T12:14:00.000-05:00

Mark Twain said that the difference between truth andfiction is that fiction must be believable.

This entire concept really makes a fiction writer’slife—specifically those in the fantasy and science fiction genres—reallydifficult sometimes. In order to make our stories plausible, there is a lot ofresearch involved. I mean, the readersbelieve in physics and gravity and linear timelines and such. Pssh. Wackos.

(That’s a joke, guys.)

My genre of choice is fantasy, which involves magic. Now,you would think that magic could just be all willy-nilly because, well, it’smagic, but it actually needs a set of finite rules to be plausible. Or else themagic-user has a really ludicrous advantage over everyone else and that wouldmake the story a) predictable and b) not at all believable, even for a fantasybook.

My Experience with Agent Query

2012-02-04T14:06:00.000-05:00

We all know I am not yet published outside of my job as areporter. I would really like to be, and sadly, I am not as diligent about thewhole process as I need. However, I forgive myself—I can always improve.

That said, I owe quite a bit of my sanity to Agent Query. Ihave finished what I would describe as a picture book manuscript, though it maybe a little more advanced than that. It is an original fairy tale and it isdamn hard to find an agent or publisher who is interested in that genre at thatlevel.

Damn hard, I tell you.

Agent Query really saved my poor little brain. Even withinthe vast sea of information on the internet, filtering down results for “kidsbook agent” enough to make sense of them in a timely manner was next toimpossible, and often yielded no relevant hits. Be that my fault or the fault ofthe search engine, I will never know, but when I came across AQ, I felt sorelieved.

Of the 15 or so agents I have queried so far, 10 have beenthe result of AQ. It has also provided some great insight into the publishingprocess with resources and on-site essays:

About Literary Agents

How to Write a Query

When Agents Offer Representation

The one agent I found that asked for a full manuscript, TheMcVeigh Agency (http://agentquery.com/search.aspx), I found by searching on AQ.Now, I wasn’t accepted there, but I did get some nice feedback from the personwho reviewed the manuscript, which is always good.

The McVeigh Agency specializes in off-beat and minorityculture books. Here is a link to their site, which is currently under constructionbut will come in handy later if you think you fit the bill: www.themcveighagency.com.

Best of luck in your searching! Let me know if you have any interesting results.

Agent Query's New Addition

2012-02-03T14:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, minions mine, I have surfed the Agent Query Connectsite and found it useful, if a little stylistically antiquated.

I was expecting more of a Facebook-like interface, but thisis more of a forum community. It has a chat room option, and blog listings aswell, which I think speaks to the immediacy of the “oh crap, I have no idea howto deal with the publishing industry” vibe writes emanate occasionally. Eventhe professional ones—publishing is one of the great mysteries of the universein my opinion, but I digress.

The Connect site, like it’s parent, is free. You create aprofile, login and just have at it. Other writers are standing by to take yourquestions. No, really, other writers are there to answer any questions you mayhave. Writers from all levels, beginning to professional, are at yourfingertips.

Sarah Belliston, a fellow “new” writer,declares AGC awesome. She explains that you can post queries for critique, findbeta readers, and ask questions about the agenting process.

Let’s face it, my friends; have you ever tried to cajole oneof your buddies into reading a manuscript? Mostly, they never have time, orthey aren’t interested. There are people on AQC who are just waiting for you toask. How cool is that?

C.B. Wenworth, another blogger, has a similarly glowing review. The post is alittle older, but at the time she was in the process of writing query letter,hair “ready to hall out in huge chunks.”

Sound familiar? Is my bald spot showing?

She submitted a draft of the query and received somefeedback. The experience taught him something that I keep forgetting: writing,though a solitary act, requires an entire village to improve.

I have one last perspective for you on AQC, that of themoderator: yet another blogging writer, Jean Oram.She explained AQC as a writer’s group as well, and describes the successesshe’s had on the site—namely, getting an agent.

“You get back what you put in. I’ve put a huge amount intothe writing community and in turn, have received a huge amount back. Join forthe camaraderie, stay for the insights,” Oram said.

Sounds like pretty solid reason to jump onto that bandwagon.

What is Agent Query?

2012-02-02T13:57:00.000-05:00

Hello, my doves! I’d like to talk to you about thatwonderful site, Agent Query today. I know I’ve mentionedit before on the blog as a resource, but I’d like to go a little more indepth about the site.

I first discovered the site typing in “how to find an agent”on Google, which is pretty much where I start everything. Once I discovered thesite, it was like I had been given a telescope and could finally see thecraters on the moon.

The site is a searchable database listing agents andpublishers. The basic search involves selecting a fiction or nonfiction genreand reviewing the results. They also have an advanced search option that allowsyou to narrow the results down by who is accepting queries, if he or she is amember of the Association of Author’s Representatives, and whois seeking new clients.

Once you land on a results page, agent and publisherlistings include websites, email address, physical addresses, genre listingsand solicitation status. You can also choose to view a full profile with moredetailed information.

In addition to agent and publisher listings, Agent Queryprovides a page for other resources, as well as tips on how to write a queryletter and “writer beware” essays. All in all, it’s an excellent one-stop shopfor beginning writers especially, as well as crunched-for-time professionalauthors.

Jeanne Bowerman wrote a nice little piece on Write On Onlinethat goes into the nitty gritty of the reliability of the site as well as users friendliness.

George Angus from Tumblemoose also wrote a nice review on the site if you just plaindon’t believe me.

But you know what’s the best thing I discovered about AgentQuery? It now has a social media platform: Agent Query Connect(agentqueryconnect.com).

Please excuse me while I go investigate this new shiny toy.

Do you all have any writing related databases to share?

Do the Duotrope

2012-01-17T16:00:00.000-05:00

Hello, minions mine. Do you want to know why I love the internet? Of course you do.

It’s the bunny trails. The metaphorical bunny trails that lead to fabulous rabbit holes and sites of endless wonder. Now, before I get too carried away with this whole Alice metaphor, allow me to explain.

I am on Twitter, reading the tweets of people I follow. Person has an interesting link, and I click it, which leads me to the blog www.inkpunks.com. I start browsing the blog, reading up on the contributors and catching up on their basic tips for writing. It’s a wonderful site. And then, as I am reading a blog post, the site Duotrope is mentioned.

What is this Duotrope you speak of, fine fellow writer?

Well, minions of my heart, it is a site, a free site, listing “over 3650 current fiction and poetry publications.” And I had never heard of it before. It’s SO COOL.

Going back to the advice from Mr. Martin I posted many moons ago, one of the ways to break into the pro-writing market is to be published in a literary magazine. Duotrope makes finding those publications super easy with a huge database and advanced search system.

Some of their listings even include interviews from the publication’s editors, so future submitters can have a better idea of what the publication is looking for in a manuscript and an author.

Another thing, you should also check out the Inkpunks. Excellent, excellent blogs on writing and publishing, accompanied by a nice list of resources and even a discussion forum!

Geek Out Freak Out: Poe

2011-10-14T11:29:00.000-04:00

Okay, my minions. I know I have been absent for a while; please forgive me. I will resume quasi-regular posting soon. In the meantime, please observe the following:

Now, go and freak right on out for a minute.

That's right.

Say it with me:

"SSQUEEEEEEE!"

I expect to see you all in the theaters in March. That is all.

"With hair. From my back."

2011-08-29T20:24:00.000-04:00

This is not particularly writing related, but it was too cool not to share. I was on vacation in Holden Beach, N.C., last week and I got to see loggerhead sea turtle hatchlings.

In the wild.

Little baby ones!

Okay, so not "ones" plural, more like one--singular--we missed the mass exodus, but caught the last one.

My parents and I had gone for a walk on the beach. I found a chunk of coral, which is unusual in itself for this beach, and I took some artsy pictures of cloud formations. On our way back, we stumbled upon the Holden Beach Turtle Patrol investigating the last of the turtle nest and wrangling the stragglers. You know. Roping them together with hair from their backs.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hatchling Number 81:

I was too excited to get a non-blurry picture of a moving subject. And that little sucker was fast.

Assault and the Pendulum

2011-08-25T21:26:00.000-04:00

"I'll hit them in the face with a Poe book. Learn to be concise. K, thanks."

--Mike the Pirate, on verbose writers.

This, my minions, is the reason why concise writing is preferable. Otherwise, you'll get hit in the face with Poe which I imagine might be painful. This has been a public service announcement.

Don't Forget!

2011-08-21T10:26:00.000-04:00

Hello, minions of my heart! Don't forget about your writing assignment, the word study. You realize I'm relying on you to provide me with either new words, or definitions to old words I've never considered so I can become a better writer, right?

I mean, heeelllloooooo, you ARE my minions. Let's get it together, people. Get those word studies in the comments section. You have until the 24th.

In other news:

Happy Summertime.

Writing Assignment: Word Study

2011-08-17T10:00:00.002-04:00

As writer, I periodically become obsessed with singular words, their myriad definitions and synonyms. I go on a word-researching spree, scouring dictionaries and thesauri to get a better understanding of all the nuances of a word.

Weird? Maybe to an outsider.

Nerdy? Most definitely.

Fun? Heck yeah!!

Last night, the word "resonance" got stuck in my brain. And by stuck, I mean that it was adhered to my frontal lobe with literary Gorilla Glue. I could not get it out of my head. So, I had to do a word study.

I pulled out my trusty iPad and a notebook and my favorite green pen (okay, so it’s my only green pen) to delve further into the mystery of “resonance.”

Did you know that it has a separate definition in physics? In electronics? In medicine? Admittedly, the medical definition stumped me, so I skimmed it and didn’t write it down, but hey—I’m not a rocket surgeon. I forgive myself.

Then, I looked up as many pertinent synonyms as I could and made a list. My favorite was “sonorousness.” (If you see that word and immediately think of Harry Potter, my hat tips to you, friend.)

You may be wondering what such a study is good for, aside from increasing your vocabulary. Honestly, I’m not sure; but I know I want to use the study to help me create a sestina, a kind of poem, due to our recent poetical leanings.

Here’s the assignment:

Find your favorite word (not a curse word, please,) and study it. Find definitions and synonyms. Pick your favorites of each—preferably something not normally associated with the word, and post them in the comments section of the blog.

You can stop there, but if you’re feeling really ambitious, write a poem involving your word. It does not have to be a sestina; it can be any form you like. Make it as simple or as complicated as you want, keep it rated PG and forever-shareable, and post it in the comments section.

Due date: 24 August.

Embrace your inner nerd and go crazy. It’s fun-ducational!

Poetry is Magic: Osmosis

2011-08-16T10:00:00.002-04:00

To continue your education on poetry, my minions, I’m going to ask you to read this essay: "Stored Magic" by our now familiar friend, Edward Hirsch.

In it, Mr. Hirsch talks about how a poem is an immortal entity, something that can transcend time and culture. He also reminds us that poems are not meant to be understood, necessarily, but felt.

Don’t worry if you think you’ve missed the poet’s message. It will come in time, you’re smart. Focus on what you feel when you read the poem and go from there.

For instance, Lewis Carroll’s "Jabberwocky" makes little sense in places, but it’s not supposed to make sense. It is supposed to get you to imagine a mysterious place where a mysterious monster lives. It’s a nonsense poem that tells a story, an adventure. It takes a familiar theme (adventure) and makes it unfamiliar (what is a bandersnatch, anyway?), thus making it feel more exciting. More urgent.

"The Jabberwocky." Illustration by Peter Newell

I bet you had fun reading it, eh? Silly, right? Made you giggle? Well, good. That’s what matters. Let it sink in and figure out what it means later. Look up the author’s intent later. But for right now, just feel it. Roll it around in your mouth like a fine wine and savor it.

Settle in to the poem as if it’s your favorite armchair. Get all cozy. Have a nap.

Then, and only once you’ve really felt it, start looking for the meaning. Things will be much clearer when you’re under the spell.

Lewis Carroll, self-portrait, circa 1856

Discovery! WriteOnCon

2011-08-15T12:05:00.002-04:00

A coworker of mine handed me an article this morning on WriteOnCon--an online writer’s conference that starts tomorrow Aug. 16^th and runs through the 18^th.

Did I mention this conference is FREE?

Because it is. You know. Free.

The Conference is designed to give attendees many of the features of a live writer’s conference, but in an online environment. Thanks to technologies like blogging, vlogging, livestreaming, and chats, WriteOnCon connects writers with both industry professionals and fellow peers from the convenience of their own homes. Critique forums allow writers to receive feedback and exposure for their work, and the entire program is designed to be both informative and entertaining.

So sayeth the "about" section of the website.

Yes, I know the conference is during working hours. But, the “about” section goes on to explain that most live events are during the evening, so you won’t be missing anything pressing. More static things are posted during the day, which means that during lunch or coffee or whatever breaks you have, you can totally check it out. You'll need to register at the website, but afterwards you'll be all set.

Tell your boss it’s professional development. But, make sure you get your work done, too. shifty eyes We’re not slackers in the blogging community, after all.

The conference is a good opportunity to meet and connect with other writers, agents and editors. And it will have lots of information geared at new writers, so if you have a few minutes during your day, you should stop in and see what’s going on. It’ll be informative at the very least, you don’t have to travel and it’s free!

I mentioned that, right? Because it is. You know. Free.

**Format alert: Blogger has changed something. My hyperlinks used to be highlighted in a different color, but now they simply display as underlined when you hover over them. There is only one in this post (WriteOnCon), which I bolded to help draw attention to it. Hopefully, I can correct the issue. In the mean time, be on the lookout for Agent Smith. Neo, I believe!

Poetry 101: An Introduction

2011-08-11T10:00:00.004-04:00

I realized, quite suddenly, that I talk oodles about narrative writing, fiction writing, fantasy writing and have done an overview of the mechanics of such—but though I’ve posted a few poems and a poetic resources, I never actually talk about poetry. Why not?

Because I’m afraid that my readers (my dear, loyal minions) will find poetry inaccessible, and will wander away feeling lost and betrayed. Well. That’s just not acceptable; poetry is for everyone. So I must educate you. I promise, it will not be painful.

Poetry is essentially communication through metaphors, imagery and rhythm. Poems tell stories and evoke feelings, just the same as any other narrative, but they do it in shorter, more intense bursts.

Poems require that the reader is an active participant—engaged in the poem and engaging their imagination. You will have to do some thinking when reading poetry, but don’t let that scare you. You think all the time, you've totally got this handled.

Schools will teach you how to read a poem for symbolism, and I believe that’s where the general public gets its fear from. Finding symbolism is complicated, and difficult, and not something you want to do on a rainy Saturday morning. Naturally, after having learned to do that for poems in schools, people will steer away from poetry.

Poets will teach you to feel the poem. To watch it; to let the images therein rise and mutate and flow—to feel the beat, the rhythm. That hardly sounds any better, does it? But all the poet is asking you to do is follow your gut and let the poem sink in. Much in the same way a favorite song would get your foot tapping, and then get stuck in your head after a listen or two.

Poetry is mental osmosis, my doves. Completely painless.

Yes, some older poems or ones that are more lyrical will contain obscure references or archaic words. Keep a dictionary handy, and be sure to read whatever footnotes are there to help give you context. More contemporary poems, however, won’t be that labor-intensive. Start with the modern ones, then work your way backwards if you feel daunted.

Photo by Marcelo Noah

Billy Collins at D.G. Williams Books, San Diego.

Billy Collins, a modern poet, is very easy to understand and is an excellent poet. Try his poem "Introduction to Poetry" on for size.

And then go ahead and read "To the Reader Setting Out" by Edward Hirsch for more information on starting your love affair with poetry.

Do you feel a little more confident in your ability to read poetry now? I hope so.

Adorkable justification!

2011-08-10T10:00:00.004-04:00

I was browsing Twitter earlier, briefly stalking Zachary Levi, when I saw this tweet from Writer’s Digest:

“I talk out the lines as I write.” –- Tennessee Williams (1911-1983)

After a brief pause, I raised both fists into the air as if I was calling a touchdown and screamed “Woohoo!”

Okay. I didn’t actually do that, but that’s what was going on in my head, and really that is what’s important in this situation. What’s going on in my brain, I mean. Anyway.

The point is: I’m not totally bonkers. The great Tennessee Williams talked in out, too. So there. All you haters can continue hating, I’ve got a great American playwright on my side.

I don’t actually need justification for my quirks, but it’s nice to know the well-respected professionals have some of the same foibles. It makes me feel more connected, more like my writing will eventually achieve some sort of measurable worth in society. One day, I will leave a mark. I will make someone’s life better just by stringing together a handful of sentences, and for me, that’s what it’s all about.

Tennessee Williams with a "birthday" cake for the 20th anniversary of The Glass Menagerie.

Photo by Orland Fernandez, 1965

Why do you all write? Or do what it is that you're passionate about?

Writing Assignment Results: Ocean!

2011-08-09T14:00:00.010-04:00

A few of you brave minions were kind enough to share your oceanic descriptions with me. As there were only two, I let the 300-word limit slide. Here they are, in order of appearance:

From RelatableDating:

Salty, wet, roaring, and calm. 

White curdled edges moving around on the sand.  

Startling cold, but refreshing to the soul. 

It jostles me around and around.  

Seagulls are watching over the ocean, 

diving in for a quick meal.  

The shriek of children can be heard over the wet thunder. 

The condensation drips down the glass.  

Frothy, thunderous, soothing and stirring. 

I wish I could be one of those seagulls for a day.

From Fran Bee:

Ahhh...the ocean. It was much warmer than what I had expected – swimming the 55 degree waters of Cape Cod in July has taken some bravery, yes, but on a 90 degree day the temperature discrepancy was heavenly. The Florida ocean was a different kind of heavenly. This must be what floating in a womb felt like. Except with more seaweed. And itchy, itchy sand. Argh. After a few futile scratching motions, I took a look around my immediate vicinity. Slyly, I dipped neck-high into the water pulled the front of my bathing suit down. Oh, sweet relief! I thought, as the ocean water swept those gruesome granules out and away from my skin. The time slipped by until I could feel the heat of the sun beating down so intensely that it could only mean one thing – lunch time. As I rose from the water and started following the tide into shore, I sensed that something was wrong. Horribly wrong. The itchiness from before was back, but with a vengeance. I dipped and rinsed and scratched again before running out of the water entirely. I managed to somehow communicate to my parents that I was heading up to the bathroom before I was in full gallop. Once inside the stall, I braced myself for the worst and lowered by swimsuit. My entire torso was covered in what looked like the chicken pox. That was impossible – I had the chicken pox when I was six! As plaguing as these unknowns were, all I could think about was the itching and the nasty stinging sensation that followed me back to my grandparents’ house and outlasted the shower I had hoped would quell their urgency. Worse still, my parents paraded me out into the living room and had me show my grandparents the nasty red spots that flecked my body – as if I needed confirmation that yes, something was not quite right here. Jellyfish, I was told. Little baby jellyfish had riddled my chest and stomach with itty bitty bites and stings – some last ditch effort to save themselves after a hapless ten-year-old girl decided to scoop them up and trap them in her swimsuit. A tube of hydrocortisone and several uncomfortable nights of sleeping later, I had made my determination: If the ocean water is more than 65 degrees, stick to the swimming pool.

Thanks for participating, I really loved both pieces. Maybe one day soon, I'll start giving away little prizes! I just don't have the budget for it right now. Thanks again, minions!

New Literary Agent: Nicole Resciniti

2011-08-09T10:00:00.001-04:00

Over at Writer’s Digest Guide to Literary Agents blog, they periodically announce new literary agents. This week, they highlighted Nicole Resciniti of The Seymour Agency. New agents are great opportunities for new authors because they are building their client lists and are actively looking to represent people.

The blog entry from WD is pretty basic, so I wanted to expand a little on the information provided for you, my favorite minions.

But before I do: Disclaimer. This is all information I have gathered from the internet. I do not necessarily endorse what’s written therein, I just provide the information.

Ms. Resciniti is seeking romance, mainstream suspense, thrillers, mysteries, YA and inspirational novels, in addition to science fiction/fantasy novels and action/adventure stories. She isn’t looking for erotica or poetry, but seems open to just about everything else.

The agency’s site indicates that she is a Mensa member and is looking for “a smart, tight read” and a “signature voice.”

Borders Books and the Pirate Muse

2011-08-08T10:00:00.004-04:00

Minions, as you have all probably seen in the news, Borders Books is liquidating. Shutting down. Barring their doors. gasp Closing. Like, for good.

No more Sunday outings with the parents for new reading material. No more loitering in the café over a book you don’t intend to buy but sort of want to read. No more hiding in the stacks of the manga section, attempting to conceal your nerdiness. No more after-hours book releases, or during-hours book signings.

Unless you go to Barnes & Noble—but we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about Borders.

Borders Books closing display

Photo by Stephen McKay

Where, coincidentally, I used to work. Yup. I was bookseller at the store in my little town, seasonally during college and for about eight months after I graduated. I don’t know why, but I had wanted to work there since high school—I was a voracious reader, and I thought that maybe, while I worked there, MAYBE I’d see one of the books I wrote appear on the shelves.

As we all know, I wasn’t quite that lucky, but despite some of the messy (chicken bones littering the fantasy shelves) and spiteful (people would yell at you because the store had sold out of a book and they needed it yesterday and were too lazy to go to another store) customers, I had a great time there.

I had dozens of coworkers during my tenure but there was a core group that stayed as long, if not longer, than I did. I came to know them quite well.

We weathered Harry Potter midnight releases together and in the wee hours of the morning (seriously, 2:00 a.m.) had a slow-motion lightsaber fight in wizard costumes. I may have also accidently shattered the eardrum of my supervisor while yelling for cash only customers at the register.

We raced to close the book and music side of the store before the baristas could close the café, which was more difficult than you might think. And if the café wasn’t shut down before the bookstores, the booksellers would go to help. It was on one such night I was heaved into an empty-ish, rolling trashcan as a joke and immediately tumbled out on to the tile.

I have other silly stories that I could bore you with, but they are more inside jokes than anything else (A-Team? Batman?), so I won’t do that.

The group I worked with, headed up by the most fabulous manager you could imagine, became very tight knit. We referred to ourselves as a pirate crew. Still do. It is people like this—the ones that let you be totally yourself, right down to the inner-nerd core—that facilitate creativity. I didn’t know it then, but I do now.

So, I write this post in tribute to my stellar Crewmates and the flow of creativity and the place that brought us all together: Borders. And I ask you, minions of my heart, to spend time with the people that let you feel the most creative.

Some crew and affiliated persons.

If you feel compelled, write a little tribute of your own in the comment section.

Best of Writing Resources

2011-08-05T10:00:00.003-04:00

Every once in a while, I’ll post about new writing resources I’ve come across in my wanderings of the internet. I come across some great stuff, but I know there is always more.

Here is a review of some of my favorites:

- Literary Rambles: This is a blog by authors, for authors. Hosted by Casey McCormick and Natalie Aguirre, they spotlight children’s book authors, agents and publishing.

They have thoroughly researched agent and agency profiles, and they provide "Tip Tuesday” entries and interesting author interviews. If you’re in the children’s market, I highly recommend this blog.

- Agent Query: This one is pretty self-explanatory. It is a database of agents and agencies that provides some basic information about what the agents/agencies are looking for as far as submissions go, and whether they are accepting unsolicited queries or not.

I’ve noticed, however, that some of the information isn’t always up to date—which is to be expected. There are thousands of entries. Always double check the information by going to the agent’s website, or cross-check with other databases. Sometimes, agents will leave for another agency and the word doesn’t get around right away.

- The Poetry Foundation: This is a dynamic website stuffed with feature content, writing resources and an awesome collection of poetry. The foundation also publishes Poetry Magazine, a bi-monthly publication that includes commentary, poems and occasional plays. All in all, this is a great resource for poets, who are probably the most neglected of the writer set.

Feel the love, my doves. The devil alone can't have all the good tunes.

What resources do you all find most helpful?

You're NOT obnoxious and disliked.

2011-08-04T10:00:00.001-04:00

All right, student-minions. It’s full disclosure time for those of you in writing programs at various universities around the country.

Chances are, at one point during you’re schooling, you’ll have a class with a professor who dislikes your writing—not because you’re a bad writer (you’re awesome) and not because you talk too much (you’re an angel), but simply because the Prof just doesn’t dig your style.

Maybe you use too many adjectives for the Prof’s taste. Maybe he or she really hates the word “coruscate” and you use it all the time. But fear not!

For me, it was the genre. My Prof was a lover of realistic fiction, paranormal fiction, romance, action, poetry, creative non-fiction and dirty limericks.

Okay, I can’t say for sure he liked the dirty ones. He may have hated them, but everything else is accurate. Anyway.

He liked just about every genre of writing you could think of except science fiction and fantasy. Science fiction, as far as I knew, just didn’t interest him. Fantasy bothered him, he explained to my class, because you couldn’t see magic happening in the writing; it was all invisible machinations of old men in pointy hats.

("Gandalf" by Michael Neel)

Well, this was a problem, as I am and always have been, a fantasy writer. I worked desperately hard on realistic fiction pieces for the class and did okay, but it was withering my soul. Finally, I asked if I could do a fantasy piece. I was allowed, but only if I adhered to the standard of extensive detail, excellent action, and kept invisible machinations to a minimum.

I agreed to the terms and wrote a piece set inside an author’s mind, where characters mingled in one giant smoking lounge, complete with buffet and a poster of The Rules on the wall: namely, everyone one here is on a truce, and no, dragons are not permitted to eat other characters. The cast was waiting for a giant brick wall to vanish so the author could finish each of their stories.

They were all fighting that wall; with laser guns, with bolts of magical black lightning, with dragons breathing fire, with half-dead characters holding entrails in their fists and complaining of the need to be buried.

I wrote and rewrote. I edited and rewrote. I worked super hard on this piece, determined to show my Prof that fantasy writing was every bit as good as any other genre. I turned it in and waited. One week.

When the Prof returned our work, I was practically gnawing my fingers to the bone. He finally got to me and handed me the paper with a smile. And then the Prof talked about it. He was super excited about it—especially the “entrails in his fists” line—and told other students in the class that was the kind of detail he wanted.

Did I mention that he liked it? Even after the entire hullabaloo about old men in pointy hats!

The point is, my precious-es, that your professor is not out to get you. Even if he dislikes your favorite genre, chances are he will be willing to work with you. You might even convert him.

If not, then you just do the best you can with what you can. After all, it’s only a semester. And you’re prettier.

What do you all do, as writers or student-writers, to overcome situations where there’s a style clash?

Adorkable Me and the Writing Process

2011-08-03T10:00:00.002-04:00

Okay, minions. I have a confession. A really silly, really stupid confession. You all know by now that I’m a total nerd, and are endeared by my quirks, so I only feel slightly goofy telling you all this.

deep breath

I talk to myself when hashing out a scene; I will also often act it out.

There, I said it. I’m bonkers and now you know. But here’s my rationale: it really helps me get the feel for where I am going with the story.

Now, this just may be the actress in me, but acting out a scene I’m stuck on helps. I’ll be trucking along, tip-tapping on the keyboard, pounding out this nice little scene with clever dialogue when suddenly, everything halts. The party train stalls, there’s a cow on the tracks. (Yeah, I said it.) That means there is something wrong with the scene, or I wrote myself into a corner, or I just made my character do something that’s not part of his or her normal personality, or I’m simply having trouble visualizing what comes next.

I’ll sit at my computer and grumble to myself for a few minutes. Scold the cat for chewing my power cord. Stare blankly at the screen. Read the paragraphs silently, then aloud. Get frustrated, save, and walk away.

I’ll start doing some random chore (most likely putting away clothes) and rehearse the scene out loud. I’ll back track; I’ll narrate, and say things like: “And then the hero ripped his sword from the gullet—no, dang. That’s not it. From the bowels? Yes! And then the hero ripped—no. Tore?”

I’ll pick up a broom and brandish it like a sword, go through the motion I am attempting to convey in writing aaaand BINGO!

“Yanked! He yanked it from the bowels of the monster!”

And then, because I am holding a pretend sword and don’t actually feel like putting away my laundry, I’ll act out the whole scene. Every character. Every part. Every snatch of dialogue. Sometimes, I’ll do it more then once.

Eventually, I get so excited about working through the scene and finding the place that was wrong, I dash back to my computer. I type furiously for another thirty minutes and save the document triumphantly. And then I return to my laundry, because I flung my socks around the room pretending they were spells.

Ahem. That may be an exaggeration.

Then I’ll try to convince the cats that I’m not completely crazy and they do, in fact, need me to feed them.

Here’s a visual aid. My brainstorming session may or may not actually reach this level of dorkiness:

Aren't I charming? No? Okay then.

Anyway, here are a couple of links with a more....uh, professional look at the writing process.

Purdue Online Writing Lab: Starting the Writing Process

DailyWritingTips: The Writing Process

You may dress in costume while brainstorming if you choose.

Writing Assignment: Ocean!

2011-08-02T09:09:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen of all ages, since we haven't done one in a while, I'd like to issue another Writing Assignment.

I would like you, in 300 words or less, poetry or prose, to describe your first or most vivid memory of the ocean. If you've never been to the ocean, tell me what you think it will be like once you get there. Talk about sensory details, feelings, whatever you like, just remember to keep things PG.

Why the ocean? Because, in the course of my everyday job, I stumbled across a person from the Midwest who saw an ocean for the first time last month. The awe in his voice really touched me, since I grew up visiting the ocean and find it comforting, while he described it as being so very vast. I suppose it is vast, terrifyingly expansive, but I don't think of it that way anymore. I want to know how other people perceive the ocean.

As always, remember this is a public forum, so don't post anything that has been copyrighted or you intend to publish under your own copyright later--the internet is forever, and everyone can see what you've written.

Please place your oceanic descriptions in the comments section, and I will select my favorites to be included in a blog post.

Due date: Tuesday, August 9th.

And now: inspiration. Good luck, and happy writing!

Fantasy Literature in the Movies

2011-05-11T09:27:00.002-04:00

For the past few weeks, I’ve been exploring fantasy literature with you all, from the writing process to the reading of the books. Now, I’d like to take the time to show you all how much fantasy literature has infiltrated our culture—especially pop culture.

Let’s start with Disney. Who remembers “The Sword in the Stone?” Awesome movie about King Arthur, a story everyone is familiar with, at least in part. That movie is based on the first part of T.H. White’s “The Once and Future King,” which is—say it with me—fantasy literature. There’s a chain here too, that goes ALL the way back.

White based his books loosely on Sir Thomas Malory’s “Le Morte d’Arthur,” which in turn is based on older French stories from the 13th century. You could technically connect those to even older Welsh tales, like “The Mabinogi,” which is a collection of Arthurian folklore.

That’s a long lineage of fantasy literature sneaking into our culture. Recently, Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” saga has infiltrated our psyche. Even if you haven’t read the books, chances are you’ll recognize a reference to the Ring or hobbits. I mean, when baseball players are naming their bats (albeit erroneously) after swords in that story, you’ve pretty much hit full cultural saturation.

Finding a Literary Agent: The long form

2011-05-03T14:14:00.023-04:00

I’d like to talk to you all about agents. Literary agents, to be specific—and the process behind soliciting them.

Yes, dear minions, once you’ve written that stellar story, and edited and polished it until it shines like mithril in the moonlight, you have to submit it to agents (or publishers) to get it on the shelves.

Now, some people believe that you don’t need an agent—which is true in some cases. However, if you want to bust down the doors of Big Publishing House 403, and sing, “It is I, The Author Fantastico!” you’re going to need an agent. And if you thought writing the book was hard, just wait until you start soliciting.

First, you’ll need to do a little research. Pick up a few of your favorite books in the same genre you’re writing. Figure out which agency represents them, and research those agencies. Look at the submission criteria; look at what each individual agent is looking for in a book.

Look carefully.

Once you’ve looked at all that information, look at it again. Carefully. Do you meet all the requirements? All the quirks? Good! Pick your agents, write down their contact information, and draft your query. What’s a query?

Oh. Start here: How to Write a Query . Agent Query is an excellent and reliable resource for learning about query letters, and for researching agents. Please understand that there is more than one way to find an agent, and this database is an excellent resource—so is the previous method. You may also want to try Writer’s Market, but I digress.

Draft your query once. Draft it twice. Draft it fifty times—I’m not even kidding. Okay, so maybe you don’t need to do it fifty times, but the query should be every bit as polished and well researched—and spell checked—as your book. Once you’ve got your query all set to go, send it out.

When you query an agent, please follow all of his rules to the letter. If he says he only wants 20 pages for a sample, stick to 20 pages. Check and double-check his submission requirements. Yes, again. And please, personalize your query: address the agent directly, spell his name correctly, and be polite.

Remember, this person is someone you want to have a relationship with in the future. You wouldn’t insult your high-school crush if you wanted to go to the prom with him, would you? Of course not. So don’t insult your future agent.

Now, you get to wait. It’s positively agonizing. To dull the pain, work on your next project. Wait some more. Play with your cat (no? Oh.) Go about your daily, weekly, monthly business. Stare listlessly at your email account. Wait a little more. Then, eons later, you’ll get a response.

New Resource!

2011-04-28T07:27:00.001-04:00

Minions! *bursts into the room* Ahmahgawd, you GUYS!

In my research and poking around on the intertubes, I stumbled across the Science Fiction & Fantasy Writer's of America website. Yes, it is a "members only" site in the sense that you can't belong to the society unless you meet certain criteria (which I don't--yet), but you can read the fabulous articles therein.

The site has some good resources on the scifi/fantasy market, and a spot for educators, which I thought was cool. One article talked about how authors at any stage should archive their notes, manuscripts and research to preserve for the future, so the literati of 2045 (or whatever) can see how our devious little minds worked.

It's so nice to have an imaginary fan base. Now I need to start scanning in all those scribbled upon napkins...

In unrelated news, I've noticed that no matter if I set my font as the "default font" for my blog post, sometimes it appears to post whatever variety of font the text was in last, in spite of my efforts. Oh, Blogger blog, why are you so fickle?

Fantasy train is leaving the station

2011-04-26T21:22:00.020-04:00

Okay, everyone, the party train is about to leave the station. Tickets? (punchpunch) Excellent, let’s get moving!

This party’s theme is going to be “fantasy,” simply because that’s what I write and read the most. So, everyone don their period garb, grab a chalice and settle in, because today I’m going to talk about the actual writing of fantasy.

Ugh, I know, le snooze. But, I’ve scoured the internet for tips from a few of my favorite authors to start us out with, because let’s face it—I haven’t published a book yet. I figured I’d call in the professionals.

Jacqueline Carey is at the top of my list of favorite authors, my favorite series is “Kushiel’s Legacy.” This woman is poetic, profound, descriptive, and downright awesome. On her official site, she has some excellent advice for aspiring writers, explaining that the best way to learn how to write is, in fact, by writing. (I know, revelation, right?)

“Build a world and explore it. Create characters and break their hearts. Take risks, and don't be afraid to make mistakes. Experiment. All the methodology -- whether to outline in advance or wing it, write in a linear fashion or skip around, follow a rigid schedule or go with the flow of inspiration, edit as you write or worry about it later -- emerges with experience. As you write, you'll discover what works for you.”

Carey's Site

Kristen Britain, another favorite, writes the way I like to think I write: concisely, but descriptively, with little moments of ambush-poetry. Plus, her “Green Rider” series is very well done; it’s quirky and real. Well, that is to say you feel it’s real, because the characters are so relatable. Britain advises writers to let the imagination do a lot of the dirty work, sifting through unneeded information and form a story from what’s been left behind.

“Somehow the brains of writers know how to process information and ideas in a way that helps build stories.”

Trust yourself.

Britain's Site

Lastly, George R. R. Martin, a long-time favorite that has re-established his place high on the list, and his “A Song of Ice and Fire” series—you know, that there handful of books what HBO decided to syndicate. Martin is a little bit old school and stands by the standard industry advice: if you want to be a writer, read! Oh, and write, too. He’s also got a little bit of advice about today’s fantasy market, which I’ll explore further in my next post:

“Given the realities of today's market in science fiction and fantasy, I would also suggest that any aspiring writer begin with short stories. […] And they are still the best way for a young writer to break in, since the magazines are always hungry for short SF and fantasy stories. Once you've been selling short stories for five years or so, you'll have built up a name for yourself, and editors will start asking you about that first novel.”

Martin's Site

My personal advice for writing fantasy is the sum of the professional’s: Read. Write. Trust yourself.

Oh, and maybe research the stuff you will be writing about, to ensure your world is grounded in reality—every fiction is based on a grain of truth. That’s what makes the fantasy believable.

Join the Scifi/Fantasy Party Train!

2011-04-19T14:08:00.000-04:00

Greetings, dear minions!

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s been a lot of hullabaloo about HBO’s newest series, “Game of Thrones.” The reviews have been not so great, but all the fans I know are excited about the series (including me). For the uninitiated, the show is based on a fantasy book series, Song of Ice and Fire, the first book of which is titled—not surprisingly—“Game of Thrones,” by George R. R. Martin.

I, for one, find the rise of both the fantasy and science fiction genres totally fascinating—and awesome. The genres, which fall under the umbrella of speculative fiction, have surged in popularity over the past decade or so, going from a niche market to something more mainstream.

“Lord of the Rings,” Harry Potter, “Howl’s Moving Castle,” “Babylon Babies” and “Dune” are some books-made-film that come to mind.

While I mourn the loss of the exclusivity of the community, I am excited that now it’s not considered “weird.” So, for the next few weeks, I’m going to post regularly about the fantasy/science fiction publishing market, hopefully enlightening and entertaining you all in the process.

I’m going to assume most of you are literary fiction or non-fiction types, for the sake of argument, and start at the very beginning. The speculative fiction umbrella covers many genres and all of them have numerous sub-genres, but I don’t want to get too down and dirty, so we’ll just cover the basics of fantasy and science fiction.

Fantasy books typically use magic or supernatural phenomena as primary elements of plot, theme or setting.

Science fiction books typically revolve around imagined innovations in science and technology (often taking place in the future), but the science or technology stem from something theoretically possible, according to the laws of nature.

Summary and generalization: fantasy means magic. Science fiction means space travel. Are you still with me? Oh, good.

Even literary fiction is getting in on the action, spawning a hybrid genre known as “fantastic fiction,” which cover books that take one fantastic element and plunk it down in the real world, like “The Time Traveler’s Wife” and “The Lovely Bones.”

Writer’s Digest has a nice little article on that phenomenon here.

Overwhelmed? Not to worry, I’ll stop now. Stay tuned for our next adventure!

I am full of win and so are you!

2011-04-04T19:34:00.003-04:00

My mother is cleaning out the basement of her house so she can transform it into a family space. This means that she’s going through boxes and boxes of papers and books and knick-knacks, navigating spiders, dust and treacherous abandoned curtain rods.

In the clean-out process, Mom has discovered my elementary school writing portfolios. Poems, narratives, essays—all teeming with creative spelling. She also found the collection of four, seasonally themed poems that won me first place in a school-wide competition in fourth grade.

I stood proudly on the stage, wearing a pastel pink, polka-dotted dress with GIANT frilly collar, and accepted my medal in front of all my peers. I felt like a total rock star. It was awesome covered in awesomesauce toasted to perfection over the coals of win!

Aside from the dress, which was a hand-me-down (I think), and itchy, and don’t tell my mother but I actually kind of hated it. I wore it because she liked the way it looked on me, and I was in fourth grade, and that’s how it worked. But in that moment, I didn’t care what I was wearing: I was a golden-god of elementary literature.

Here is an excerpt from that prize-winning collection:

(In my “author’s note,” I told the judges: “In this book of poems I think I exsperes all my feelings.”)

Keep in mind, I was in fourth grade and didn’t quite have a handle on homonyms or spelling yet (Or fashion. Not that I have a handle on fashion now, either, but I digress). Although, you could say I was taking poetic license for emphasis.

I read the feedback my teachers and the school librarian had given me, all glowing—I’m not kidding. I had great feedback. And let me tell you what a balm that is to my soul.

Past teachers crediting an untried moi with having a good voice and a strong understanding of the literary concepts we learned in class? Made me cry. I’m serious; I teared up.

And then later, as I reflected on how I had stopped believing in my abilities as a writer here, I may have choked out a sob or two. I’ve spiraled down into thinking that any recognition my writing gets is by default: no one else entered, the competition bowed out, it’s the equivalent of an honorable mention and really, that’s just so people feel better.

None of that is true though, and taking a trip down memory lane helped me to remember not only that I write well, but also that it really is my gift. I felt, for the first time in a long time, that unshakable confidence of a child—the invincibility of your belief in yourself.

Your assignment, dear minions, is to find a forgotten project or prize that you earned through sweat, blood and tears (and possibly hideous outfits) and remember all the good feelings that went with it.

Bask in your own awesomeness, for you are full of winning!

Once you have completed your glorious bask, please share how fabulous your past-self was in the comments below. And also how fabulous you are currently. And how those things are tied to one another. Please?

Forgiving Literary Sins

2011-03-16T20:58:00.001-04:00

More truthiness: forgiveness. Something that I need to forgive myself for, and something that I need to forgive others for.

Typos. Misspellings. Mixed metaphors. Other numerous and goofy writing faux-pas, like using clichés. Oh, clichés.

Ungenerous thoughts about the others’ writing. Yup, I have them. They are mean, and nasty, and egotistical and make me feel better about myself, until the guilt sets in—then I’m sort of back a square one.

Not writing on a “schedule.” I really need to relax about this. Life gets in the way, it happens. The point is that I get back to writing when I’ve taken care of business.

OTHER PEOPLE

For doubting my abilities or making me feel less than capable ever, at all. Your* opinion does not change the fact that I know I’m awesome.

Unintentionally harsh critiques. You’re trying to make me better, I know this. Tough love. I’ve never been good with tough love, but I’m working on it.

Roughing up my books when I let you borrow them: the dog-eared pages (twitch), the coffee stains, the broken spine and bent cover. You enjoyed the book, and that’s what matters. The state of the object does not negate the story within.

* Please note I’m speaking of the universal “you,” the greater you, the other. No one is targeted—I’m not looking to call people out. I love you (yes, you, specifically), minion! You know, in the non-creepy un-stalker kind of way.

What writerly things do you need to forgive?

New Resource!

2011-03-15T10:57:00.001-04:00

Hey there, minions of my heart! I recently discovered a new blog called Literary Rambles, which is positively FULL of useful information, like agent spotlights, author interviews, and tips and tricks for publishing. It has a focus on children's books, but the resources can be applied to any age group or genre.

Those of you of the writerly persuasion should totally check it out. I have also linked to it in my "Writer's Resources" box at the top left of the blog.

The Relovehatetionship

2011-03-13T14:53:00.000-04:00

So, I am going to try this 30 Days of Truth blog project I saw over at closeencountersofthemekind (aka Head Minion), but I am going to modify it a little bit. It’s not going to be 30 days, I’m going to pick and choose the prompts (and combine some!), and it will all be related to writing. Because this is a writer’s blog, and public, and God and everyone do not need to know certain things about me.

Yeah, I know it’s supposed to be a project about sharing and discovery and learning to trust. But you know what? Writing does that for me already, sooo, yeah. Onward!

The first entry about the Love/Hate Relationship I have with my writing and writing in general. We’ll start with the bad news first.

HATE

1.) I hate my internal editor. Shut. The eff. Up. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, let me just get the words out before you go in with the grammar gun and start blowing holes all over the place, and call your critic friends in with all their snark. Please.

2.) I hate the fact that writing journalistically has virtually destroyed my ability to write descriptive narrative. My fantasy stories read like a report. Is there therapy for this? Can I have an injection of adjectives or something?

3.) I hate trying to find an agent. You know that scene in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” where the nasty priest pulls some poor man’s heart out of his chest while he’s still alive, and the heart is STILL beating, and lowers the dude into a mothertruckin’ lava-pit, and then holds the heart up and it bursts into flames? Yeah. It’s like that.

4.) I hate how I can’t find the motivation to write regularly. You remember that scene in “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark” where they open the Ark and people have the flesh melted from their bones by terrible spirits and the wrath of God, and then turn into dust and theoretically rot in hell for all eternity? Yeah. It’s like that.

LOVE

1.) ….

(Aw, man. Cracks knuckles. Scratches head. )

1!!) My poetry can be a little bizarre, but I love how it reflects a more refined (traditional?) era of writing, a la Frost or someone of that nature. I enjoy writing metaphorical and descriptive poems that make people think, or narrative poems that tell a story beyond what is written.

2.) I love that I can laugh at myself when I get around to revising, either because I’ve written a clever turn of phrase, or because I came across something written so hideously that I thought “Dear god, was I high?” and scribbled out the offending piece, only to replace it with something better.

3.) I love that I write dialogue fairly well. It’s not normally stilted and it helps drive the plot or reveals something about a character. I do a good job, I think.

4.) I love my internal editor, too, when she’s quiet while I’m actually writing. Once I get to the revision part of the day, she’s quite useful and encouraging. My internal editor is kind of like the Dr. Henry Jones, Sr. to my Indy.

SIDENOTES:

I successfully referenced all three of the worthy Indiana Jones movies in one post—win!

Apparently, I have seen those movies waaay too many times.

Writing the “love” section of this entry was much harder than it should have been.

Indiana Jones is the pinnacle example of how teachers lead double lives. You know how you never expect to see your teachers at the grocery store because you always see them in school and believe they have no lives except school? Yeah. Indiana Jones is like that. Only more epic.

“You’re a teacher?!”
“Part time.”

(OMG all the Indy movies! WIN! Aside from the fact that Crystal Skull sorted sucked.)

***

So, what’s the relationship with your writing (or hobby of choice) like? Is it love/hate? Love/love? Love/dear-lord-why-do-you-forsake-me?

How to Spot a Time Traveler 101

2011-03-08T20:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, since my seasonal tribute assignement was a miserable failure, and because like you minions I did not write one either...here is a illustrated and informative blog about spotting time travelers, which is loosely related to my last entry.

How to Spot aTime Traveler 101:

1.) Time Travelers may be seen popping in and out of blue police boxes. If you happen to see one, please consult your Doctor.

2.) They may also be holding strange and unusual tools or weapons.

(That laser sword may or may not be aimed at your head, O Untraveled One.)

3.) Time Travelers could wear multiple watches.

4.) And often are not dressed appropriately.

(Never show up to a gun fight with a lance.)

5.) Sometimes, Time Travelers may be accompanied by alien creatures or robots in disguise. More likely, they are being chased by alien creatures or robots in disguise.

(In which case, you should probably get the heck out of Dodge. Seriously, run. That's an alien.)

6.) Time Travelers will also speak oddly, perhaps using slang you’ve never heard before.

"What in the gorram hell are you doing? You're beginning to damage my calm!"

7.) Some Time Travelers may seem familiar to you. If you are aware this person is a time traveler, DO NOT ENGAGE. You could be your own father, and let’s face it, that’s just weird.

Also, it would disrupt the space-time continuum something awful.

8.) Most importantly, Time Travelers have no idea what day it is, and will ask for the complete date, year, and time down to the second. Then, he or she may look at multiple watches and curse loudly before racing off.

This has been a public service announcement.

Devil in the details: story building & character shaping

2011-02-27T20:36:00.001-05:00

I just assigned you fabulous minions to write about your favorite season, which got me thinking about setting in a novel. Don’t ask me why, my brain makes giant leaps in strange directions sometimes.

Anyway, Mr. M. H. Abrams, whom I have mentioned before in my posts, defines “setting” rather concisely in the “A Glossary of Literary Terms: Seventh Edition” (Heinle & Heinle, 1999).

“The overall setting of a narrative of dramatic work is the general locale, historical time, and social circumstances in which its action occurs; the setting of a single episode or scene within such a work is the particular physical location in which it takes place.”

You know what is surprising? I didn’t realize that setting meant two different, if related, things.

I know, le gasp! How could I not know such a thing, English degree-holder that I am? Well, I’ll tell you. It just plain never occurred to me. Conceptually speaking, I knew all that already. Academically, I wasn’t aware it was wrapped up in the same definition. Anyway.

That definition is pretty self-explanatory when you think about it. So, let’s play with the concept for a moment. Imagine writing a book about time travel. How will the definition of your setting be affected then?

Do you select the time period your characters are from to be the overall setting, or do you select a time period that your characters will journey to as the setting? How does that choice determine how your characters will act? The outcome of the story?

That’s a pretty extreme example, but it illustrates what I’m trying to point out: where your characters are placed, in terms of setting, can have a great affect on the way they are shaped. And, the setting doesn’t have to be active—it can be passive. A place (or time) a character had been in before the main action of the book is a passive setting, I would say.

(PS: “Passive” and “active” setting are terms I just pulled out of thin air as far as I know, but they work, right?)

So, as you write, keep the setting of your work in mind. If something feels off between the characters and where they are physically and socially, it may be conflict with the setting.

Fear not!

2011-02-25T23:21:00.000-05:00

Don't worry, cats and kittens, I haven't forgotten about the blog. I am just a total slacker, that's all.

Good news: I have made some definite progress on writing projects that have been long neglected. Bad news: never did make it to that big writer's conference in DC I told you all about. But that's okay, as there are other, smaller conferences in the spring.

Anyway, I wanted to touch base, dear minions. I wanted to mention that Archimedes is actually a great help. I see him every day on my desk and I am reminded that I am the muse, that the creative force comes from within. I hope you all have discovered reminders of your awesomeness to help keep you focused as well.

Anyway, the purpose of this quick note...okay, the third part of this note is to announce another writing assignment! Minions of my heart, I would like you all to write about your favorite season. How does it make you feel? Why do you like it? It can be any form of writing, 500 words or less of poetry or prose.

As always, be advised that this is a public forum. Keep things clean and rated PG, and don't post anything that has been copyrighted or will be, or that you would not want to share with several million people. The Internet is forever, and Google knows all.

Post your seasonal ode in the comments section by next Friday, the 4th of March. I'll post my favorites in the next blog with my own seasonal tribute.

Live long and prosper.

The Muse: Part 1

2011-01-19T20:26:00.000-05:00

This is Archimedes.

(Picture by Alyssa--so is the doll house)

He is an adorable hand-felted owl that my friend Alyssa, over at The Spirit House, made for me. His tie is a quill pen nib, and he is my muse.

Well, he's a physical reminder of my creativity. A note to myself that I am capable of writing whatever it is I please, when I please. I don't need to wait for the muse or inspiration to strike; it's already here.

What inspires you all? How do you remind yourselves that you are the creative force, and you alone?

(Raven watched this clip in fascination. Just though you should know.)

Huckleberry Finn Controversy

2011-01-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

Lightning vs. Lightning Bug

This week, I read an article on MSNBC (http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/40917583/ns/today-books/) about new editions of Mark Twain’s “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” and “Tom Sawyer” that will be published in February. These new versions will remove the word N-word and replace it with “slave” in an effort not to offend readers.

I have to say, I am upset by that decision.

First of all, yes, the N-word is inappropriate, offensive, and derogatory in the extreme in today’s society. It’s a word I hope never to hear in day-to-day conversation because it represents intolerance, at the very least. But, minions—my gentle readers—it is also a part of American history. Global history. That one word has helped to shape our society and our values, and it’s through books like Twain’s that it does so.

Literary or academic conversation should not feel pressured to exclude this word, used in a teaching context, or to discuss it as it’s used in a period work or anthropological study, because it is a part of our culture, whether we like it or not.

Children find history text books dry, and often boring. I find history books dry, and often boring, and I actually like reading about history. Works of fiction, like Huck Finn and its contemporaries, provide historical lessons cleverly hidden in entertainment.

To change the N-word to “slave” would be sugar-coating the culture that was prevalent in our nation’s past. The term slave, while still a dark and dangerous term, has been tamed somewhat. It’s the politically correct term, acceptable for use in all areas of academia; it has lost it’s depth and conviction in our time.

The N-word, both a common term as well as slur in Twain’s time, has only increased in notoriety. It has not lost the depth of its meaning, or the significance behind it. To remove it from these books, or any work of literature from the Civil War era (or any era), would be altering the truth of history.

Yes, I know Twain wrote fiction. But his works are a window into the culture and society of our past; what was important, what was not important, how people interacted or didn’t interact. Changing one word that was so common for the time, and so prevalent throughout the two novels would do Twain—and our current society—a great disservice.

Let’s not forget that Twain was very particular about his word choice. He knew that words could leave an indelible mark on a person’s imagination and society itself. Do you really think that he was just throwing around the vernacular just because he could?

I understand perhaps editing a version for young readers, both for content and length, to expose them to the storyline without exposing them to things that might be offensive. But to have versions that are read in high school altered in such a way? No.

Some could argue that replacing the N-word in the books with “slave” will free the works from the banned list and get them back into some public libraries. That’s a noble notion, but these books shouldn’t be banned in the first place.

Might as well ban Shakespeare all together, too—his tragedies deal in cannibalism, rape, murder and racism; his comedies, promiscuity and deceit.

There is no piece of period literature that won’t offend someone in some way. History and its fictional mirrors are full of mistakes and faux pas, and that’s the way it is. It’s what shapes our society today; it’s how we know what words and actions are offensive and why.

Remove a word from one book, and it gets removed from another and another, all down the line until it no longer has meaning and we forget that it ever offended, and that we ever learned anything from its existence.

PS:

To address the fact that I never used the N-word in this post: I didn’t have to use it. You all knew what I was talking about; and yeah, I did dance around it, like the first paragraph of the referenced article mentions. I do feel uncomfortable using it, and I should. That’s the point. That’s why Twain did use it, to make readers feel uncomfortable, so we could learn something. I learned not to use that word because it was offensive, and I learned that through reading and discussing an unaltered version of “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” in school.

High concept fiction and bad poetry

2010-12-19T20:27:00.006-05:00

First a little business, my minions, then onto what could potentially be the worst poem in the world.

I’ve noticed in my research of literary agents that many are looking for “high concept” children's and young adult books. That’s a well and good, except for our dear agent friends don’t do so well defining that term. When I think “high concept” I think: complex, detailed storyline, something that takes more than a sentence to define.

That is apparently wrong.

High concept fiction is, in fact, a storyline that can be described very succinctly and in an appealing fashion.

Firefly, for instance, is a high concept show: the wild west meets outer space. Space western!

You could also describe a love story set on an alien world as “Romeo and Juliet in space,” and that would be a high concept story.

If I were an agent, the only thing you’d need to say was “in space” and I’d be on board, if my examples were anything to go by. Anyway.

You can find more examples and definitions here and here.

And now, on to what may be the worst poem in the world:

“Erosion”

You can’t hear the sand slip away from the shore

But you can see it

Each grain sliding off into the fathoms.

Every day another millimeter gone until suddenly

The beach house is now a pier,

And it’s too late to stop the march of time.

You never did believe water could cut so deep

Carving out glass-smooth canyons,

Or that wind could scour lofty mountains

Into stubbly, bulbous nubs.

You can’t hear the peak sighing its last breath

But you can watch it

Fade into the ether like a worry-burdened soul.

Pardon my dust

2010-12-15T21:58:00.000-05:00

Minions! I am doing a bit of a layout overhaul. Please bear with me while I figure out how to work this crazy thing.

In other news, I'll have a poem to share shortly. Any brave, "crazy-like-Jack" souls have poems they want to share? Post them in the comments section and I may post it on my next (less metaphorically dusty) entry. Remember, this is a public and possibly family forum, so don't post anything you don't want baby sister to read or that is copyrighted. Okay? Okay. Go forth and slam some poetry.

Here we go again

2010-12-06T18:40:00.001-05:00

I queried an agent today (The Unter Agency), and the "voices" are back--the characters. There seems to be a hole in the writer's block-wall and they are leaking through slowly.

I also discovered a new show. Well, technically it's an old show, but it's the first time that I've seen it and I immediately became obsessed (read: watched a few episodes and began writing fan fiction. No, you can't read it, no one can. We've been over this, minions.). The show?

Firefly.

If you are a science fiction enthusiast, or a western enthusiast, or a steampunk enthusiast, you should check out this show. You can watch the first five episodes on Hulu for free, but they want you to subscribe after that. Losers. I bought it on Blu-ray from Amazon.

Anyway, the theme song from the show is pretty cool. The refrain is "you can't take the sky from me," and I've found quite a bit of solace in that notion.

Plus, the genre-crossing from the show is really inspiring.

Whiskey

2010-11-29T21:41:00.000-05:00

This is where the broken go:
Down a dark, winding road
Into a smoke-filled bar
Where everyone knows you, but no one does--
To drown the inferno of their pain
With a tingling on the tongue,
A fire in the gut,
And dry up their tears
With the ashes of their hearts.

TK-421 is not at her post

2010-11-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

The Wordspinner's house itself is experiencing technical difficulties, and therefore I've been totally neglectful of the blog.

I've been overwhelmed by fixing physical things that need fixing, trying to figure out a way around this terrible creative block (wall, mountain, whatever), and by worries for friends. Please bear with me while the dust settles. I'll get back to my regularly scheduled ravings soon.

You know, as much as they were ever "regular."

There goes Th-421, wandering off again. (Fan picture, found on Wikipedia.)

I'll admit it. I'm a moron.

2010-10-27T20:58:00.000-04:00

Okay, Minions, listen up. This next bit of information is key to your existence. I’m talking one-ring-to-rule-them-all important, do you hear me?

GOOGLE.

IS.

YOUR.

FRIEND.

Need to find out how to make a lightsaber for your wicked Star Wars Halloween costume? Google it. Want to know where to find the best restaurants in the place you’re visiting? Google it.

Want to find local writer’s conferences, support groups, seminars, and book festivals?

GOOGLE THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF IT.

For serious.

I have recently been kibitzing to any ear that would listen, lamenting my woes as a writer: “My professors weren’t great at telling us about conferences and encouraging us to go,” or “all the seminars are in the middle of the day on a Wednesday,” or “Why are all the conferences in San Fran-freakin’-cisco?”

I had been attempting to find all this information through limited searches via Writer’s Digest, or Writer’s Market, or writer-oriented sites, which are generally fabulous resources. But they don’t talk local. Or weekend. And subsequently, they don’t talk cheap.

But lo, in my frustration I turned to the mighty search engine known as The Google. I asked the Great Artificial Oracle where I might find local writer’s conferences or writer’s groups. And do you know what happened? Do you, Minions? It told me.

It said “Go, get thee to www.newpages.com/writing-conferences/ . There thou will find thy answers.”

I went, and selected listings for Washington, DC and Virginia.

In February, I discovered The Association of Writers & Writing Programs (http://www.awpwriter.org/conference/) will be holding a conference in DC. And then in March, there’s the Virginia Festival of the Book (http://www.vabook.org/index.html) at which Kathy Reichs will be speaking—the author responsible for the books about Dr. Temperance Brennan and the television show "Bones!"

And those are just TWO of the listings I saw.

Minions. I need you to do something for me. It will benefit you greatly. First of all, if you want to do something, go out and do it. Don’t wait around. Ask people, pull strings, do what it takes to pursue your goal. If actual people don’t know the answer, Minions, for the love of all that is holy:

Google it.

Knowledge is power.

The Spookiness: halloween fun results!

2010-10-14T20:43:00.001-04:00

Okay, Minions, here’s our pre-Halloween extravaganza. Many thanks to our two participants for sharing their stories. I’d like to say that writing a ghost story in 200 words or less is difficult. I went 80 words over, but you’ll forgive me—you know, because you’re my minions and that’s how it works.

Fort Monroe, Virginia is notorious for it’s ghosts. I had the opportunity to explore there when doing a Halloween article for the magazine; we were looking for Civil and Revolutionary War ghosts, among others. Myself, a camerawoman from our counterpart television studio, and a guide from the base started our hunt in the Casemate, a series of old gun wells. Immediately, things started happening.

“Something just touched me,” our hostess said, jumping and glancing around. The air felt heavy and cool. The camerawoman took a step closer to me and swung the camera in the direction the hostess indicated. There wasn’t anything there, but the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

I thought I heard someone whisper in my ear, but I figured it was the wind. The camerawoman put her gear near the ground to get a low shot and cursed.

“The camera just fuzzed out,” she said, frowning. She lifted the camera and examined it. I could hear static buzzing on the monitor. It stopped suddenly and after another check, she continued filming. We pressed on through the old brick gun wells and I asked questions of the shadows, holding out an audio recorder. I wandered into a corner of the Casemate and looked out an old window before turning back to my companions. I felt eyes boring into the back of my head and pointed my camera over my shoulder and snapped a picture. I went over to the other woman and pulled up the picture preview.

An image of a man in a Union uniform and black eyes stared back at us from the display.

And now for out two participants. First, A-Town.

Henry walked through his apartment doorway and had to shoo the cats back. They always seemed to be at the door when he got back from work. They began to harass him immediately for food, he threw his bag down and went to the kitchen cupboard to retrieve the wet food the cats had been waiting for. The cats continuously meowed and began kneading his pant leg. After putting the food in the dish, he placed it on the ground. They devoured it meticulously as if they had not eaten in days.  

He poured himself a glass of Dan Pablo Tequila. He enjoyed trying different liquors and he had just picked up the bottle of tequila the day prior. He would have a glass every day after work, it was a long commute home and it was already dark outside on this particular Monday.  

He took his glass to the living room and turned on the television. The news was on.  

“Thank you Shirley for that in-depth report on the new stadium being constructed. Up next we cover the latest information on the Harvard Law Lawyers…” 

Great – Henry thought. As if I haven’t heard enough about my classmates. The next item on the screen was a missing person report. Recently there had been an increase in missing persons in the area.   They showed a picture of the most recent victim and some of the details on the screen. Henry was absorbed in the picture, he couldn’t advert his eyes away. He felt himself zoning out on it. The picture was of a young girl with short curly blonde hair and blue eyes.  

His mind felt like it was melting with the photo in front of him. The picture began to change. He thought his mind was playing a trick on him. Then the mouth of the face opened, it was filled with rows of fangs. The eyes almost squinted together and became dark. The hair looked like it had turned grey.  

As the face jumped out of the screen with its mouth gaping open, the last thought Henry had was “Why did they show the picture so long?”

And now, My Amusement:

The Rocking Curse   

In the corner of an antique shop I sit, growing dusty and old. I once had a great and fruitful life rocking children to sleep at night. I was built by a carpenter for his pregnant wife, as a gift for her to rock their first child to sleep in. I sat under the window of the newly built home and rocked not just that generation of children to sleep but many others. It was the fault of the great great grandson of the carpenter that I am now just an old, dusty rocking chair.  The great great grandson made the mistake of upsetting a witch. She fell in love with the him and he married another. When she found out she placed a curse on me, which any child that was held in my arms would die.  It did not take long for the man’s wife to become pregnant with a son. They were very excited. They built the nursery around me as the tradition had been in the family. The first time that the newborn son was rocked in my arms. It was that night that the son died.  It took two more dead children before the nursery was redecorated and all of the things, including myself were sent to the attic. One child was born and lived after that.  A daughter who lost her parents before she was married.  Because she wanted to continue tradition, I again came out of the attic when the nursery was built. She lost three children to my curse before she took the ultimate out and committed suicide.  I was given to a cousin as a baby shower gift, and the curse went with me. She lost 4 children before she gave up trying to have children. She gifted me to another, with the same results. This cousin lost 2 children before I was sold to this store.  I now await another, one day I will be in another house, another nursery, and killing another baby.

Thanks again all!

Also, if you really want to know what happened at Fort Monroe, go to www.army.mil/soldiers and go to the archives. Click on the cover of the October 2009 issue. The photos in this post are from that article, taken by Carrie McLeroy. Magazine content is free domain, so I can repost them without fear, and so can you! Just credit us, please.

(Side note: someone on Amazon thinks they can resell Soldiers magazine content for ten bucks an issue--don't fall for that. Get it online for free, people!)

Halloween Fun Assignment

2010-10-06T19:07:00.000-04:00

Okay kiddies, let's get down to business (to defeat the Huns! Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?).

Ahem.

Anyway, this is your knew writing assignment: Ghost story, 200 words or less. Done by, oooh, let's say Wednesday of next week. That being the 13th of October.

You know the rules: this is a public forum, don't write anything you don't want the whole world to know about because the internet is forever, and let's keep it relatively civil and clean, children may be reading. I will post the creepiest or funniest or the only-iest entry on the 13th, hopefully along with my own 200-word or less ghost story.

This is your mission, minions. Let's get in the Halloween spirit!

Haha, pun intended, I suppose. Ready? Go.

Just in time for Halloween!

2010-10-05T21:18:00.001-04:00

Greetings, cheerful minions! I am writing to you because I just received a gratis copy of "The Reference Shelf: The Paranormal," edited by Kenneth Partridge, in the mail.

Why is it gratis, you ask? Well, because my very first article from Soldiers magazine was reprinted in its entirety in this book. Cool, huh?!

Yes, I will admit I watch "Ghost Hunters" and am a fan of ghostly stories and stuff. The reason the article, "America's Haunted Army," is in this volume is because it is about--gasp--ghosts.

More specifically, it's an overview of the more famous haunted places on Army bases throughout the nation. The book itself is an unbiased (or at least, I think it's fairly unbiased) look at the beliefs, superstitions, and limited amount of science surrounding the study of the paranormal, citing other publications like Newsweek, the Washingtonian, and various books. If you're an amateur ghost hunter or like reading about the paranormal, this book is pretty cool.

Plus, my article was reprinted in it, and that's really what matters, right? I'm not asking you to buy it or anything, but if you really feel compelled, you can find a listing on Amazon.

(Go with Used for $15.00)

Writer's Block

2010-09-29T20:53:00.001-04:00

Some of you may remember that I have two cats. Ember, to the left, who is also currently sitting in my lap, and...

Raven, to the right, who is currently off investigating something random.

Sometimes, they are both cuddly little angels.

And sometimes, they are Kitties of the Corn.

And sometimes, at least one of them is my writer's block.

Barracuda: The Sequel

2010-09-16T21:08:00.000-04:00

Minions, brace yourselves. I’m about to share with you some bad poetry, in honor of my man-hating villain from the last post. Ready? Helmets strapped on? Good.

“Virago”

My job is to eviscerate your ego:

Leave you gaping like a dead fish,

Leaning against the sticky bar in shock

Because I didn’t fall for that line.

I wasn’t swooning at your smile.

No—I was already armed with a drink

And a sharp tongue;

I don’t need a Jello-shooter,

Thank you, and my eyes aren’t blue pools of eternity.

They are, in fact, green.

Please remove your hand from the small of my back,

And don’t call me baby.

And the lyrics, because I never could understand anything but "burn to the wick" and "barracuda."

Ooooh, barracuda!

2010-09-13T21:15:00.003-04:00

I have talked about villains and antiheros before on this blog, giving you definitions and examples and being generally silly. Today, I want to share with you all how I develop my villains, as I am full of prepubescent angst.

So, the first thing I do is to come up with motive, like a detective. Why would this particular person want to do this particular thing to Our Hero? That’s the easy part. It could be a scorned lover, a betrayed friend, the person on the bad end of a business deal—or for the fantasy and science fiction plots, a person possessed by a demon bent on destroying the mortal world, or perhaps an alien overlord compelling a human to destroy his fellows. See, easy, right?

The next part isn’t so easy. This is the part where you come up with the reasons why the motive makes sense to the Villain. I mean, Our Hero didn’t set out to spurn the villain on purpose. The alien didn’t just come up and say, “Hey, you, kill all the members of your race and I’ll give you candy,” and the Villain respond “Good deal.”

This is the part where you, the Author, have to dig deep into the dark recesses of your soul and dust off all those past hurts that you shelved because they were irrational. This is the part where the Author pulls all the bottled up feelings and pours them out into the Villain, giving him (or her) life.

Let me give a concrete example. One of my characters, one that I started writing the last year of middle school, is a member of a group of five sorcerers. He is the son of a duke, an only child, didn't have very many friends when he was at home. His parents didn’t pay much attention to him, so when he met his magical friends, he thought it was the best thing ever. Things were peachy for a while, they all got along great. But, after a while, my Prince started feeling like a fifth wheel. The others paired off constantly, they were all of the lower class than he, and he felt like he was always the last to know anything in their group.

These were all feelings, to a certain extent, that I felt. Lonely, left out, ostracized—you know, normal teenage feelings. More or less baseless, as are my Prince’s feelings. The difference between him and me is that he has a little demon whispering in his ear, making these transgressions seem far worse, and adding other imagined ones, sliding him down that slippery slope into villainy.

As a side note, he is one of my favorite villains. So misunderstood. So powerfully angry all of the time. It’s fabulous.

That said, if I were to create a villain right now, she would be a man-eater. A woman tired of slogging through a romantic wasteland and coming up empty year after year, and tired of being the calm, reliable friend everyone expects her to be. Due to her own desire to change, and her own anger, she would turn into this knock-out, man-eating vixen, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake (and a few broken wallets).

Thus is my angst. Thus is my villain.

Thank goodness for writing, or else I’d be a real handful.

More lists!

2010-09-13T20:17:00.001-04:00

Okay, so the only brave minion to make a list was an Army-wife-to-be over at Itsadogtagwifelife, who is also an avid baker. She gets the Bravest Minion medal this time around. This is her list:

1. I will try the same recipe over and over again, even if it's back to back until I get it right. The only thing I have ever given up on is a genoise. After 3 consecutive failures without any progress, I just couldn't stand to waste more cocoa powder.
2. For add ins (chocolate chips, blueberries, nuts) I never add the amount that's called for. Depending on what it is, I add more or less.
3. I had all the baking paraphernalia that I needed before I graduated college. I had more baking tins, dishes, pans, and appliances than most people after they receive gifts from their wedding.
4. While I love to bake, I don't always want to eat what I've made.
5. The best part of baking is hearing how much someone else likes what I've made. No better feeling than hearing, "This is amazing! Can I have the recipe?"

Would anyone else like to contribute another list? Or are you guys all shy?

27 Writerly Things

2010-09-08T20:46:00.000-04:00

I borrowed this from the Head Minion at Close Encounters of the Me Kind. Yay for lists!

1. I love stationery—cotton papers, wax seals, quill pens—all the trappings.

2. If you have borrowed a particularly treasured book of mine, I will stalk you. Not to find out if you like it, but to discover if you are taking care of it. No dog-earing pages. No using it as a coaster. Just no.

3. If you lose that book, it will take an act of God to save you. Seriously. Duck and mother-freakin’ cover, punk, because I am coming for your soul.

4. I can take constructive criticism fairly well, but I am incensed by “happy to glad” changes. If it’s actually wrong or totally awkward, I will eventually concede. If you don’t like my word choice, tough bananas.

5. I just sang “Holla Back Gurl” to spell ‘bananas.’ I am a writer, not a champion speller. This is why we have dictionaries.

6. I worked at Borders many moons ago, and would sing the alphabet song (as did my other coworkers) to get books in the right order on the shelves.

7. I’m a closet pen-stealer, and guard my own pens jealously.

8. I. Hate. Pencils--except during artsy sketching bouts.

9. The words “but” and “yet” are so very similar, its not necessary to use both in succession. It becomes redundant and it makes me crazy.

10. “Irregardless” is not a word. If hear or see that not-word, it makes me want to hurt things.

11. I judge a book by its cover. No, really; if it doesn’t have good cover art or the title is not intriguing, I will not pick it up. Strangely, this has worked out rather well for me so far.

12. Don’t interrupt me while I’m reading—I won’t hear you, and you’ll have to repeat yourself.

13. Don’t interrupt me while I’m writing. Please, just don’t.

14. For the love of all that is good in this world, do not read over my shoulder, ever. It creeps me out. I can hear you breathing!

15. I have conversations with the characters I have created on daily basis. Lately, it has been a lot of shouting about me getting back to work.

16. I’ll geek out over individual sentences in books when they are especially well written or strike my fancy.

17. I am not peeved by inaccurate, book-based movies. I accept them as stand-alone works most of the time.

18. The more someone recommends a book to me, the less I want to read it, but I’ll dish out “need-to-read” suggestions willy-nilly.

19. I love books and e-readers equally.

20. I don’t like libraries unless it’s for purely research needs. If I like a book, I won’t want to give it back, and I almost always like the books I choose. See # 11.

21. Just because I don’t like libraries due to personal preference doesn’t mean I don’t find them extremely valuable. Libraries should be staples of every community. Save the libraries!

22. I love bookstores—I get to keep the books!

23. I have first American edition hardbacks of all the Harry Potter books.

24. My favorite piece of classic literature is Little Women. Jo is my hero.

25. My favorite pre-modern pieces of literature are The Tain and The Mabinogi.

26. I can’t really pick a favorite author, but some at the top of this list right now include Jacqueline Carey, Neil Gaiman, Kristen Britain, Elizabeth Haydon, Robin Hobb and Lian Hearn.

27. I really can’t stand it when someone makes a generalization about how terrible the science fiction/fantasy genre is, because it is all “fluff.” It’s not fluff. It’s a reflection of the foibles in society, a vision of the future and a commentary on such things. This genre has as much literary value as any other.

Okay, minions, and now for another writing assignment: Make your own list of five things related to a hobby or particular quirk that you have. Share them in the comments section if you desire--please remember this is an open forum, do not share that which you do not want known publicly, and please keep things clean.

Deadline: Sept 13. At that time, I will take a few of my favorite lists and post them on the blog. Good luck!

I'd like to talk about the entrails in my fists

2010-09-06T21:50:00.002-04:00

Minions, I have been neglectful yet again, and I am sorry for that. Apparently, I was Undead for a while…with small bursts of possible life. Again, my apologies.

You may now rejoice: I have returned.

Like a King. Like a Jedi. And if you don’t understand at least one of those references, well…we may have to re-evaluate our friendship.

To celebrate my return to the land of the truly living, I’d like to talk to you about details. Yes, details.

It’s where the devil lives. It’s also where the best parts of a story can be found.

Another professor of mine in college, Dr. Jay Paul, loved details. Every writing class of his I was in he expounded on the fabulousness of details. Let me be clear, here: it wasn't the quantity of the details, but rather the quality.

The detail sword is, as with many fabulous writing tools, double-edged. Too many details, and you lose your audience. Too few, and no one knows what you’re talking about and you lose your audience. So, channel your inner poet and write just the correct amount of detail—which is, granted, sometimes difficult.

Stephen King is one for sparse details. He’s got a knack for describing things in as few words as possible. J.K. Rowling is also good with details, although she is a bit more liberal in spreading them around.

Robert Jordan, on the other hand, can be a tab verbose. Now, that doesn’t make his writing bad. Just a little hard to get through. Especially if your mom starts you on the 9th book of what was then a 10 book series, and you’re confused about characters and then have to start way back at the beginning, and now you’re bored because it took so long for the last book to come out you forgot--  Sorry. That right there is too much detail. And that last is not Mommy’s fault. I bet I lost you in that last paragraph, right? I started a stream-of-consciousness digression that was too detailed, and unrelated to what we had been discussing. Avoid that.   

Unless you make it into a teaching tool, like I just did. Then it’s cool.

As for too little detail, do I really need an example? Okay. I’ll describe a fly, but pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.

It has wings and it buzzes! It likes food!

That could be so many things, like every variety of insect known to man. Or, mutant magically animated jet-planes. It leaves you confused and questioning, right?

(No? Well, you must be clairvoyant. Yeah, but I also told you to pretend I didn’t give it away. Just go with it, minion!)

Let’s review. Too much detail = absent reader. Too little detail = confused, absent reader.

And when you’re adding detail, try to convey as much in the detail as possible. Remember, channel your inner poet. If you’re talking about a battle scene where a man was just disemboweled, try to be less objective and more creative. Attempt to not only describe the detail of losing one’s entrails to a foe, but also the horror and surprise of the whole ordeal, all at once, and concisely. It is possible, I promise.

And now some more examples of detail from other sources, because I’m more or less incapable of coming up with anything good on the spot:

“She took the sheath in one hand and the handle in the other, withdrew a milk-white blade, held it up. The blade seemed to shine and glitter with a light of its own.”

–Dune, Frank Herbert: describing the crysknife.

“The troll stopped next to a doorway and peered inside. It waggled its long ears, making up its tiny mind, then slouched slowly into the room.”

–Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, J.K. Rowling.

“Rain hissed gently in the garden beyond. Frogs croaked from the pools and the marshland. The women breathed deeply in sleep. I smelled the scent of flowers, the cypress wood of the bathhouse, the acrid stench from the privies. I floated across the floor as weightless as a ghost.”

–Across the Nightingale Floor, Lian Hearn.

Keeping the faith

2010-08-23T13:49:00.000-04:00

From Poets&Writers magazine, September/October 2010:

“Face the Fear: A rallying cry for writers”
Rachel Kadish

“Writers can be disheartened into silence. If we buy into the myth of our own irrelevance—if we let the notion that our art is a private and rather self-absorbed matter make us so insular that we actually believe the whole point is getting the right kind of critical attention and sales numbers—then it will be that much easier to give up at the first sign of a bad review. We need to keep going for a more robust reason. We need to keep going because the work we do matters.”

To Dr. Tracey Schwarze

2010-08-02T20:00:00.002-04:00

Dr. Schwarze,

I found out today, via facebook, that you had passed away after a battle with cancer. I was sorry to hear it; I didn't know you had cancer. Did you have it while I was still your student? I can't say, but I was sad to hear you passed.

I don't know, if out of all your students, you would remember me. But I remember you.

I remember how easily you laughed, and how often you smiled. I remember not always liking your critiques of my essays, but knowing you were right. I remember the tiny perfume bottle your wore on a long chain and how there was some secret behind it that you wouldn't reveal. I remember your dark-rimmed glasses and the way you spoke about James Joyce, and being jealous that I never got to go to Ireland with you and the Joyce literature students. God, that looked fun.

I remember the Teaching in the Writing Center course and how you asked if I wanted to be a peer mentor. I was totally baffled. Me? A mentor? Surely not. But I said yes because you had faith that I could do it, and I did. I had fun being a mentor and making a difference in the lives of those 17 freshmen. I remember reporting back to you about their progress and feeling strangely inadequate, but you always listened attentively anyway.

I remember right after graduation, as I was filing out to meet my family, grinning and bouncing, how you smacked me on top of my head with what I thought was a foam noodle, and how you smiled and waved. I waved back. I smiled back.

I hope that smile was enough to convey my thanks and my respect.

I hope you are finally able to meet all the literary greats you so admired, and I hope that your loved ones know how many lives you touched and the difference that you made.

With respect (and a smile),

Jackie Hames

* * *

Have you all ever lost a mentor, even if that individual was a mentor for a short period of time, and wanted them to know how she (or he) touched your life? Put it in the comments. Don't regret that you never were able to say anything to that person--she (or he) knew. It was in your eyes and in your smile.

Rest well, Dr. Schwarze.

Jackie the Undead

2010-08-01T22:20:00.000-04:00

Today, for the first time in my memory, I really, truly, 100 percent considered giving up writing. I considered abandoning all of my plots, worlds and characters and walking away forever.

I thought about giving up because I don’t think I’m good enough. I’m not dedicated; I don’t have a writing schedule, I don’t research as much as other writers, I’ve only entered one contest, I have never submitted any freelance articles—not that it would matter anyway, there is no one listening. My writing does not make a difference in anybody’s life. I thought about giving up because writing is hard, and lonely.

It’s not like there is anyone around to hold me accountable, either. Who would know? I would just stop writing. My dream would die and slip away in silence, like a flower that wilted overnight. The only person that would notice the difference would be me.

Now, obviously, I haven’t given up writing, or else I wouldn’t be making this blog entry. But for a moment, things were dire. This wasn’t one of those existential crises, were I could make fun of my creative panic and recover easily with some fantasy about publishing my first book or a short pep talk, or by reading an inspirational article in a writing magazine.

But I realized that if I gave up writing, I would cease to exist on any meaningful level. I would be a shell of a person—no longer myself. Just the Jackie-That-Functions. The Jackie-That-Simply-Lives. Jackie-the-Undead.

Without my writing, I am worse than a pod-person. I would be nothing without my words. So, I have to hold myself accountable. I can’t give up because it’s hard.

That’s a lame excuse.

She can be taught!

2010-07-27T19:56:00.000-04:00

Greetings, minions of my heart! I know it’s been quite some time. In a humorous side note, the agent I queried and accidentally didn’t send the manuscript to responded. “Dear Author,” he said. I nearly died laughing. If that isn’t a form rejection, I don’t know what is! (I know I ended that sentence in a preposition. It’s my blog, I’lldowhatIwant!) I guess I sort of deserved the form rejection, not providing an attachment and all, but I can still laugh.

It’s nice to laugh after beating yourself silly over something like that. By the way, that’s not fun—everyone makes mistakes, don’t go beating your fantastic selves up about such things. Just learn and move forward.

Speaking of which, I “learned” today. Well, I wouldn’t say learned—it was something that I had known previously and forgotten.

All writing leads to more writing.

It doesn’t matter what kind of writing it is, or written in what format, or what genre, or whether it makes sense. None of that means anything. Whatever you write will give you the momentum, the inspiration—the gonads—to write more.

I promise. Seriously. In my absence from this blog, in my neglect, I have also neglected other projects. When there is a lull at the magazine I work at and there is no writing going on (only endless waiting and “Can I please interview you?” calls), my other writing suffers, too.

However, if I am writing on something, be it something silly or serious, creativity abounds.

I should strike a balance, really. If there is a dearth in one place, make sure there is abundance in another. That’s harder to do, but I think I can. I was on the right track there for a while, and then I fell to one of the great writing pitfalls.

No, not to never get caught in a land war in Asia (but close!).

I actually, I fell to several: fear, poor time management and lack of all manner of goals, short-term, long-term, everything! I’m a mess. I know that because the Internet told me.

Ha, just kidding. I know that because Writer’s Digest told me. This here is what they said.

Learn from my mistakes, O great minions. And keep me on track, too!

Check it twice

2010-07-14T20:39:00.000-04:00

Hello, minions.

For those of you at the point in your writing career where you are submitting query letters to agents, be wary of the online forms.

It seems simple enough. The agency has provided a way to submit your work through their website. You fill out the little form. You attach the work they say is acceptable to submit. You pray a little, and then you hit send, and everything is hunky-dory, right?

Wrong.

Because the form will time out. You will immediately refresh the page, and then you will hit send before you think to check if the attachment is still there. And then you will fail to be fast enough to hit the little 'X' in your address bar to stop the form from sending.

And then you will be screwed.

So, word to the wise: Check. It. Twice.

Existential Crisis #2: I am not my idols

2010-06-28T20:29:00.001-04:00

I am not Neil Gaiman.

Nor am I Jacqueline Carey.

Nor Douglas Adams.

Nor Lian Hearn, nor Kristen Britain, nor Elizabeth Haydon.

These are the facts that became most apparent to me when I tried to turn off my inner editor. Said editor, in the usual fashion, decided to fight back and threw these facts into my face. Shouted them from the rooftops. It was quite brutal.

And it’s a damn, dirty shame I am not Neil Gaiman, because he just won a kajillion literary awards, and it is my dream to win that number of literary awards in my lifetime. (Also: congrats Neil. Well done!)

One kajillion. You betcha. Says the woman with nothing published (oh my gawd—nothing. GASP—deep breaths, Hames, deep breaths).

Anyway, my inner editor threw my brain into nuclear holocaust mode yet again, and it took not one, not two, but three separate people over the course of 48 hours to get me to accept that it was okay I was not any one of these contemporary authors.

And acceptance is the first step to recovery. Do they have 12 step programs for creative meltdowns?

In the end, I decided that I would just have to buckle down like any self respecting writer and churn out something worth reading. Which I should go do. You know, like….um, now.

My desk, my space

2010-06-23T21:07:00.000-04:00

Minions! Your attention please. I am currently rereading a book called "A Writer's Space," (by Eric Maisel, Ph.D.) which is all about creating and maintaining physical, emotional and creative space for your writing. I highly recommend it. The following bit of advice from Maisel seems to be really obvious, but I find myself forgetting this every time I sit down at the computer, lately.

"The next time you worry your brain about whether you can write, slap yourself hard. Everyone can write. Your worry should be whether you are brave enough to vanish into the depths of your neuronal circuitry and come back with creations. You are a diver, not a writer; an explorer, not a writer; an inventor, not a writer; a magician, not a writer."

I get so wrapped up in picking the right words and putting them in the right order, sometimes I forget to just be creative. I forget to let go of the "inner editor" and just let the characters and the scene take over. I don't know why I do that, since it's such a rush to just let things flow--to let the characters surprise me and take me down paths I didn't think of going down.

So, my challenge for you, adoring minions, is to pick a creative activity in the next week or so and just create. Let go. Manifest your muse. Then, report your results here: I'd like to hear what kind of creations you ambushed your fine selves with.

Greetings, loyal henchpersons!

2010-06-17T20:15:00.001-04:00

Apparently, no one likes the snakes. There aren’t any pictures in the previous post of the actual creature, I promise. Just Reginald the fire hydrant. He’s lonely.

This next post is a reptile-free zone.

On a reptile-free note, I queried two more agents Wednesday for my children’s book. Getting back on the wagon after that last rejection was tough for some reason. I think the positive feedback made me complacent—or maybe I was just that disappointed they didn’t want to represent the book and in denial. At any rate, I seem to have recovered and require you all to wish me luck, cross you fingers, and pray to the deity of your choice.

Speaking of requirements, I have decided to call you all, the twelve of you that have signed up to “follow” this blog, my Minions. Or Henchpersons.

Hench-people? Hench-individuals?

Whatever. You will receive salutations such as “Greetings, my Minions!” and the like from here on out. And, as is befitting the status of a minion, you shall do my bidding. You know. If you feel like it.

For my personal amusement, I shall picture you all looking like this:

(minions from “Despicable Me,” found at: www.facebook.com/minions)

I want to see that movie just because of the minions.

That is all.

Update:
You all need to watch this trailer.

If you don't like snakes, don't read this

2010-06-14T20:04:00.001-04:00

Hhokay. It’s been a few weeks, but I have returned. And, I have a confession to make.

I, Jackie Hames, blogger, writer and quasi-journalist, am guilty of writing too much back story. My professor told me so.

I know! I know, you all didn’t realize how low my lows really were. But, there it is; I begin at the beginning, and sometimes, that just ain’t right. No, really. It isn’t. Allow me to demonstrate.

Which of the following seizes your interest immediately?

a.) My friend and I went out to Prince William Forest Park today to take some pictures. We got there, parked, and found a trail we both thought would be idyllic. The day was sunny and warm, and we were in high spirits. We were walking along the trail, taking pictures of random shadows and mushrooms, when we came upon a snake.

b.) My friend and I were out taking pictures in the park. We followed this one trail that was down by the water, and soon came upon a snake.

c.) “SNAKE!” I bellowed.

“Holy Moses, it’s huge! Take a picture!” Friend gestured with her camera.

“I hate snakes! You take a picture!”

“Fine, I’ll take the pic—OH MY GOD IT MOVED! Get a park ranger!”

(I really did go taking pictures in the park, but I didn't see any snakes. Just a fire hydrant. We'll call him Reginald.)

If you didn’t say C, I think I may need to have a chat with you. Let’s analyze this, shall we? Excerpt A, while detailed, is pretty much unnecessary. Yawn. I don’t care how sunny it is if you found a snake. Snakes are much more interesting than idyllic, sunny trails.

Excerpt B is decent, but there’s still a little too much back story in this instance—the idea here is to grip reader’s attention. And excerpt C does that (or I think it does, at least). I mean, if someone yells “snake” at the top of her very capable lungs, aren’t you going to be paying attention? It conveys urgency. And, through the dialogue and small-detail narrative, you can piece together generally where these two are, and what they may be doing.

Once your characters have moved past the main action in the scene, there will be time for a little bit of back story. But keep the mystery going, don’t reveal too much at one time, and reveal it through different venues: narrative, dialogue, action, that sort of thing. Of course, if you need to reveal a key detail before proceeding with the story, do so. Just remember that too much back story may make your readers lose interest.

There are exceptions to the rule, of course, and some writer’s masterfully place the back story right in your face and are successful—mostly because the back story is full of action. But, if you stick to revealing the past gradually, and through the characters’ actions or dialogue and interaction with each other, readers will stay interested longer. Which is the central goal: keep readers entertained.

I can’t tell you how many times I was guilty of excerpt A, or how often I still find myself doing that sort of thing. It’s a nasty habit to break, but that’s what first drafts are for, after all. Bad habits.

When I discover way too much back story, I cut it out and save it as reference for character development. Or, repurpose it and insert it elsewhere in the story. That seems to work well for me. How do you all deal with excess back story or other bad habits?

PS: All this talk of snakes reminds me of a cool book from gothic artist Brom, called “ The Plucker.” It’s like a twisted version of “Toy Story,” with voodoo and king snakes.

I hear imaginary people!

2010-05-31T18:47:00.001-04:00

Hello again, friends! My apologies for taking so long to write this blog post. Things were a little hectic this past week and weekend. I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day.

So, there are a couple of things to share with you all before I post the “Haunting” submission. Yes, only one—thank you for participating, A-Town. As I was saying, there are a couple of things to share. First, I entered a poetry competition in Narrative magazine. I entered four poems that I had written a few years ago now, but they are some of my best. Unfortunately, I cannot share them with you here, because then they would be “previously published” and I would be disqualified. Alas. Perhaps after they announce the winners I will share some of them. Wish me luck!

Secondly, I decided to subscribe to Poetry magazine. That doesn’t have a much bearing on anything besides spurring me to write more poems, which may be entertaining for you all, as I could share the heinously bad ones here. And you can tell me how horrible they are, and I can agree, and we can all have a good laugh over a glass of the beverage of your choice. It’ll be awesome!

Okay, I need feedback. Which do you think would be a more viable mini-project: a collection of sestinas and other structured poems, or a collection of retold Grimm fairytales, with modern and comic twists?

Poems or fairytales? Both? Neither? You like chocolate ice cream? Well, think about it and let me know in the comments section. Thanks in advance.

Now, on to “the Haunting!” From A-Town:

I would say that which I am haunted by most is my analysis of our life here; the human race as a whole. I would say it has haunted me for quite some time, even as a child. I’ve almost been detached from myself when I begin to analyze it again. The first major breakthrough I had was in high school when I determined from the air, we looked like a bunch of ants running from building to building with no real purpose. It’s just my way of thinking that nothing really matters and that our life here is quite insignificant. It haunts me mostly when I’m depressed or sometimes it attacks me out of nowhere and then I become depressed.

An interesting thing to be haunted by, for sure—it really puts life into perspective. It’s an excellent thing to keep in mind when your ego inflates to disproportionate sizes, but as an everyday thought? Definitely depressing. I can see why it’s haunting.

Oh, I suppose you want to see what haunts me, eh? Okay, then.

Voices haunt me. Not just any voices, and not the crazy kind, either, but voices of the characters I created. It starts as a whisper when the character is born, only emerging here and there, and then it grows. It gets louder. Soon, it echoes in my thoughts and colors arguments I make with myself. We disagree; it provides a running commentary on my life. Then another chimes in, and I become the listener. They guide the plots and the details. They become people, fully formed with distinct personalities, and I am never alone. I read once, somewhere, that writing is the only socially acceptable for of schizophrenia. It’s true.

I hear imaginary people!

Hello? Did I lose you? Gracious, that’s a big old cloud of dust you all kicked up fleeing for your very lives.

Well, for those of you that remain, thanks for sticking around through my nuttiness. I appreciate your patience and understanding. There is a fine line between genius and insanity, and I walk it like a champ!

The Haunting in my brain

2010-05-22T13:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, first off I would like to tell you all about the best rejection letter I ever received. I had queried The McVeigh Agency many moons ago, and they wanted to see the full manuscript. I was totally psyched. But, I did not hear back from them in a timely manner, so I assumed they had decided to pass.

That was sort of a disappointing thought to ponder, because I was head over heels for this agency. It was newer, but had an excellent client list, and the overall mood of the agency fit well with me. It was kind of like learning the guy you have a bit of crush on is dating someone else. Ouch.

On Friday, I received a rejection notice from Mr. McVeigh's assistant. As I suspected, they had decided to pass, but this woman said that my story had "wonderful moments" and a voice that reminded her of a "classic tale." It actually made my day. Literary agents are swamped with queries and manuscripts to review--and this agency in particular had been experiencing a giant back log. The fact that they took the time out to respond with some positive feedback meant quite a bit, to me. The story wasn't the right fit for this agency, but they did like it--and they took the time to point that out. It was exactly what I needed to hear to boost my confidence just enough to keep on keeping on.

And now, I'd like to present you with another writing assignment: The Haunting.

What haunts you? What thoughts follow you around on a daily basis that you can't seem to shake? Or, perhaps you are haunted by a real ghost? Take you definition of "haunted" and describe what is haunting you, and how it is haunting you, in 150 words or less.

For example, I am haunted by the characters I create for my stories. They don't go away; they are always present in my brain.

And I'll tell you more about that in the next entry! Let's say we all have this done by this Wednesday, and I will post submissions on Thursday.

Please only write something that you are willing to share with the internet at large, as this is a public forum. Keep things clean, don't plagiarize...you know the routine. Post your 150 word or less description in the comment section and I will pick the most interesting ones to share, along with my own, in the next blog entry. Have fun!

Mutant Bunnies and Rejection

2010-05-18T21:01:00.001-04:00

Everybody gets rejected. It’s basically a fact of life. Would you like to play kickball with me? No. Would you like to go on a date with me? Let’s do it a quarter past never. Would you like to represent my book for publication? No. No, no, nonono. But thanks for your submission!

It’s easy to get discouraged, isn’t it? Especially if you receive two rejections within four days. And three rejections within the course of a month. coughcough like me cough

That’s what happens when you send query letters out in small batches.

The good news is, there are always more agents to submit to, or publishers to submit to—it’s an endless field of them. Granted, finding one that will represent you is like finding the shortest blade of grass in a square mile field positively teeming with grass and flowers and bees and rabid, mutant bunnies—oh, crap, he’s coming for me!

Anyway. The point is you’ve got to take a moment and grieve (or run for cover) and then get right back to sending out queries. You may have to rethink your strategy, the kind of agents you submit to, the query itself, or even your word count. cough like me coughcough

It’s a process, just like writing. I know—it’s always a process, Jackie. Yeah, yeah.

Oddly, one of the agencies I submitted to and then was very politely rejected by has some good tips for writing query letters. www.victoriasanders.com Check it out.

Also, some good resources for finding and researching agents are: agentquery.com (free), writersmarket.com (need a subscription) and http://pred-ed.com (a free site that tells you who the good guys are, and who the bad guys are).

Once you’ve gathered all your queries and have a veritable army of mutant-bunny resistant writing, then it’s time to send out your darlings. I always find it prudent to wish them luck—I read my queries a send off poem from Billy Collins, called “Envoy” (which can be found in his collection, Ballistics, Random House, 2008). Here are the last two stanzas:

“So off you go, infants of the brain,

with a wave and some bits of fatherly advice:

stay out as late as you like,

don’t bother to call or write,

and talk to as many strangers as you can.”

Sniffle. They grow up so fast. And so very agonizingly slow.

The pen is mightier than the donut

2010-05-16T12:49:00.000-04:00

I am notorious for second-guessing myself. I spend a good sixty percent of my life wondering if I made the right decision, or hesitating before I actually make a decision and then picking the more rational of the two. I rarely make decisions on impulse (unless it comes to food—I’m always eating whatever I damn well please, and my pants are punishing me for it) and I’m always trying to do the responsible thing.

When I graduated from college with a BA in English I was burnt out. I felt as though I had no creative energy left, and because I had a teacher who pushed, I felt a little bit like a failure. I started second guessing my ability to write. I spent the next four years—oh my God, four whole years—wondering why I thought I could ever be a writer.

I worked on my stories in fits and spurts. I managed a few new ideas, but they haven’t worked out past the outline stage yet. I was able, after pushing myself, to finish the children’s book that I had been working on.

(This picture was done by my cousin Candice; it's her take on a potential cover for my children's book. I suggested she draw it one day when she was bored, and it actually gave me an idea to make the book better.)

And, miracle of miracles, I started sending out query letters to agents. It was a triumph. When I started receiving rejection letters, however, I started second guessing myself. Again.

Then, something funny happened. I decided to reinvent this blog, which had been in hibernation for six months, to be about writing. I wanted to see if I could write regularly, with a purpose, to get back into the swing of things. I started it because I had been paying more attention to the writer’s community I am a part of, and reading more articles about writing, and following blogs about writing and creativity.

Today, while eating lunch, I was reading an article from Poets & Writers magazine about why writers write. The author, Dawn Haines, spoke about how she stopped writing for six months after finishing grad school because of various life circumstances. She said writing was hard: you need time, discipline, and consistency. She started writing about why she wasn’t writing and soon discovered that her will to write stemmed from the need to connect to herself.

I quite literally burst into tears. She managed to articulate something I had thought of before, but I never really sat down to consider. I write to connect to myself, to be who I really am—which is sometimes difficult to do outside of my own imagination. And then, through the gasping sobs, I did something I haven’t done in a very long time.

On impulse, I sat down to write this blog. I put aside all needs to clean, to get dressed, to check in with friends, to do anything other than get everything out on paper and I wrote. Just for the sake of writing.

I’m asking myself why I ever stopped. There wasn’t any reason to—I was just getting in my own way (damn, am I ever good at that). It hurt. For four years, I’ve been living with a dull ache because I stopped doing something that I loved, that made me feel like my true self.

Well, not anymore. Clear a path, people. I’ve got a pen and I’m not afraid to use it.

Embrace your inner word nerd

2010-05-13T20:45:00.000-04:00

I was browsing my Twitter feed today, looking at the list of my favorites. I follow Writer's Digest, and their feed always has excellent links to follow (also, if need a writer's community, there are great people on there and it's free). One link in particular is a reoccurring one, a link to the blog MFA Confidential, by Kate Monahan. She generally has inspirational entries and quotes, or tips about writing, but today's entry was particularly awesome.

The most striking message to me: don't wait. Get in the writing game and stay in it; don't hesitate, don't flinch, just do it now. There is no time like the present. You should write, now. (Get it? Write now? Of course you get it. Word-nerds.)

She also suggest starting a writing blog and I got really excited because, hey, look! I have a writing blog!

If you have a moment, you should check it out.

http://blog.writersdigest.com/mfaconfidential/10+Ways+To+Stayed+Fired+Up+With+Your+Writing+Goals.aspx

Kill it with Fire!

2010-05-11T20:14:00.005-04:00

Well, my first writing assignment for you all didn’t work out quite the way I planned, as it appears most of you are shy. Or, perhaps just not good with deadlines, although I admit, that may have been my fault. I didn’t put the deadline in until the day after the post because I am forgetful.

At any rate, I did have one participant: my friend, Carrie Clark. (Check out her blog here—she got a mention on a big DC blog one day, it was so cool!) She wrote a nice little take on the ending of “The Princess Bride.” Like so:

Letting go of the tree branch that he was using to hold himself up, he took a few wobbly steps forward, his beady, red eyes gleaming with the realization that he was doing it. He was walking on two legs. His lips parted in a cruel smile, revealing a pair of large, sharp front teeth. Donning a red tie and gray suit, so as to better camouflage the gray fur that covered his body, Medford took his first steps outside of the Fire Swamp and was greeted by a podium surrounded by peasants, a few farmers, and one or two representatives of the Dread Pirate Roberts. Clearing his throat he stepped forward to the waiting podium and, in a voice gravelly and strained from years of inhaling ash from the fire spurts, announced his intent to lobby for a position in the newly formed government left vacant since the death of Count Rugen and the nervous breakdown of Prince Humperdink.

Masterful. There are so many days when I’d like to throw politicians into metaphorical fire. And note the carry over of the politician-as-rat comparison. Delightful! And it’s so much better than mine is going to be. Brace yourselves:

When the Ghostbusters crossed the streams and managed to totally obliterate themselves, it was time for drastic action. The Stay Puft Man was growing, and getting closer. Anthony rushed a container of gasoline up to the roof, where his friends were waiting with a giant slingshot. They launched the gas at the marshmallow giant and it shattered over his head. Anthony shot a flaming arrow at the tasty villain. After a moment, Stay Puft burst into colorful flames.

“Sweet!” Anthony cried, pumping his fist in the air. As the fire spread over Stay Puft, he expanded to grotesque proportions like a Peep in a microwave. Black char formed along the edges of the monster’s now deformed limbs. He melted into the ground, the flames doused in his puffy folds.

“Hey, do any of you have chocolate and graham crackers?” Anthony asked.

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stay_Puft_Marshmallow_Man)

See? Wasn’t Carrie’s so much better? I have to give credit to my friend Anthony for the idea, which was originally written in a parody story we were both working on, but in different context.

Well, that’s about all I have for you this time around. I promise no writing assignments for at least another week. If there are any stragglers that would still like to participate, please post in the comments section and I’ll update this post with your contribution. Until next time!

UPDATE: Here's Anthony's contribution, a mere two words within the word-count. Very nice. Oh, Yondrick, you'll need a flame-thrower.

As soon as Yondrick had opened the door, a wave of steam hit him in the face. The stench made his prior meal of fried octopus come up to his throat. He barely choked it back down. He peered down into the hallway before him. The stairs and walls were covered in some sort of heavy film. The floor looked like it was covered in some sort of foreign moss he was not familiar with. He knew this must be the place where the infected beast resided.  He slowly made his way down the corridor. He began encountering different paths leading in different directions. He always chose the path where the walls were more heavily covered in the thick, yellowish film. He started to lose track of how to exit the maze he had entered. Soon, he turned a corner and saw the hallway opened into a small room. He had made it. He saw from a distance the beast laying in slumber. It had wreaked havoc on his village long enough. As he approached his heart began to thump harder, he found it more difficult to breathe. He thought he saw it move and he drew his sword and prepared for an attack. The beast still lay there looking like a pile of dirty laundry. He looked closer and saw that the skin was moving. But it wasn’t skin at all, something else had taken control of the beast. It was covered in small leech-like beings. They were constantly moving and never ceased. He could barely even see through the dark pile of moving leeches to even see the being itself. It had once been a bear but he wasn’t even sure of that anymore. But he was sure of one thing: I need a bigger sword.

Man vs. OMG What is that thing!

2010-05-04T21:03:00.001-04:00

Every story needs some variety of conflict to keep things interesting. Sometimes, the conflict is internal: man vs. himself. Others, the conflict is external: man vs. man, man vs. nature, or man vs. alien.

Even, as I have experienced in real life, man vs. obstinate inanimate object that refuses to open/bend/fold/work at all/heed my every whim. That right there would be something I would term an “epic struggle.”

Regardless, stories need conflict to work. With conflict, the antagonist appears. Antagonists, as defined M. H. Abrams’ “A Glossary of Literary Terms: Seventh Edition,” is the individual or group our hero is pitted against. Antagonists do not have to be evil, or cruel, just going against the hero in some way. For instance, that pickle jar that I can’t seem to open isn’t evil or capable of torturing me, but it is thwarting my attempts at making a successful lunch. So, the obstinate pickle jar could be an antagonist.

When an antagonist is, in fact, evil, cruel and “capable of criminal actions,” the individual (or group!) is known as a villain. (Thank you, Mr. Abrams.)

Villains, especially science fiction and fantasy villains, are my favorite type of antagonists because they are so deliciously bad. I love the mustache twirling and evil laughter. There’s a cheesy charm about it, wouldn’t you say? And of course, true villains always have minions or monsters—often both—out doing their work.

Sauron had the Wraiths. Maleficent had the gremlins. Jabba had the rancor. Davy Jones had the kraken. None of these villains would be anything without their respective monsters or minions.

If I were a villain, I would personally prefer a monster. Minions talk back too much; monsters just do what they are told. And monsters are infinitely more fun for the heroes to destroy.

All this talk of monsters is a nice transition to tell you about your writing assignment: “Kill It With Fire!” Yes, this is going to be about killing a monster of your choice, be it real or imaginary, with fire.

And now, some inspiration:

That, my friends, is a Japanese spider crab. It can grow up to 16 feet from claw to claw and weigh about 40 pounds. It can also live up to 100 years. The wikipedia entry (found here, where the picture originates) says it has a gentle disposition. I don't believe them. That thing is coming for you in your sleep.

Next, the rules. The description must be 300 words or less. It can be entirely fictional, or about that giant spider that lives in your bathroom. The monster must be something you could theoretically kill with fire.

Things you cannot kill with fire: 1.) Monsters that breathe fire, 2.) Monsters that are made of fire and 3.) Monsters that have fortified themselves in a nonflammable bunker.

Be realistic here, people. And be as descriptive as you can. If you want, you can be the villain that releases the monster and watches as the hero attempts to incinerate it. I’m not picky. Please remember this is a fun exercise. Keep it clean, and be nice—don’t describe setting fire to people or places that are real, because that would be bad form.

Post your descriptions in the comments section. I will pick the ones that are the most fun, or most vivid, and post a few in the next blog entry. I will also post my own description.

All "entries" should be submitted by next Tuesday, May 11, 2010.

Good luck!

Existential Crisis: Terrible Writer #1

2010-04-30T17:53:00.001-04:00

You all are now going to be subjected to a summary of my most recent existential meltdown. First, a little background.

I am taking a copy-editing course for work, learning The Associated Press Stylebook and techniques for improving my skills as an editor. It’s not really that big a deal—I’m not getting graded, it’s part of my job, and it’s online--totally par for the course, right?

One would think so.

Somewhere, around about Wednesday night during the weekly class chat, the synaptic connections in my brain misfired. I hadn’t done as well as I would have liked on our “homework” and was feeling dejected and being really hard on myself (cue misfire). After the chat, I was talking to my mother about how I was feeling inadequate, and the misfire went from simple spark to nuclear meltdown proportions in about .2647 nanoseconds.

I started crying. Not the pretty I’m-the-leading-lady-in-a-movie cry, not even the intense I-could-get-worse-but-someone-might-see cry, but the full on, choking on your tongue, might-as-well-be-dead sob.

Actually, I think there might have been a moment when I did choke on my tongue. I was lying on my couch, melting from existence at that point, and inhaled, you know, the world and various body parts (my tongue). My thought process went like this:

“I get all the AP rules confused, and that means I’m a terrible journalist, which means I’m a terrible writer, which means I’m going to get fired, never get a book published, my dreams will be crushed, and I will live alone the rest of my life in a dank hole with 32.6 cats!”

I’m not sure how I’ll have 32.6 cats, or how I would end up living in a hole, or why it would relate to being a bad writer, but that’s how my mind, in the throes of nuclear holocaust, works.

Would you like a visual representation?

Before Meltdown:

Synaptic Misfire:

Meltdown!

God bless my mother, as she talked me back into sane thought, because that was just silly. I’m learning. I’m improving my skill. If I’m having a hard time, it’s okay, because I’m learning—that’s the whole point.

And bless my cat, Ember. She heard me crying and came charging across the room, purring and meowing and cuddling like a crazy thing. She was beside herself with concern because I was making such a racket. She’s so cute. See?

I only have two cats at present, by the way, with no intention of adopting more.

Anyway, the point I am attempting to illustrate that I shouldn’t let my insecurities get the best of me (and neither should you). I can always improve my writing, and if it takes a little while to acquire a new skill, that’s just fine.

There will always be someone better than I am at writing, but I shouldn’t see it as a deterrent. I should see it as a challenge.

***

For my next post, I’m thinking about soliciting some audience participation. You get to describe something of my choosing in 200 words or less. Be prepared.

Ooh, look a butterfly! And other ways to write.

2010-04-27T14:08:00.001-04:00

Today, I would like to talk to you about stream-of-consciousness writing. It’s really quite easy. Start with one topic, and then just write out where your thoughts lead.

It’s a good exercise for when you’re upset about something, as it can reveal the root of the problem and help you come to a solution, or distract you enough to realize what you were upset about was really silly.

It can also be incredibly amusing if you’re in a silly mood already. Or, give you ideas for writing more structured, pertinent pieces of text. Like for that teen novel idea that’s been languishing in the dark recesses of my notebook for the past five months.

Hello, were-cat novel; my sincere apologies to you and your central characters.

But more on that later--on to my stream-of-consciousness example!

I also like to call these “bunny trail thoughts.” Ask me about “grasshopper thoughts” later.

Catalyst: I read an article on CNN about how Hugh Hefner donated a large sum of money to help keep the land behind the Hollywood sign intact, and pristine. In the picture accompanying the article, he was wearing a red shirt, which reminded me of his signature red bathrobe. (Please be advised, there is a picture montage to follow.)

Thoughts: Hefner was in Iron Man!

(This image was taken from the CNN article I just mentioned)

He was wearing that red satin robe. He was also wearing sunglasses, but Hef doesn’t normally sport those OH MY GOD that’s right—that wasn’t Hefner! That was Stan Lee, comic book creator-deity-extraordinaire! He’s goofy looking.

Aw, remember when Tony Stark patted him on the shoulder and he looked so bewildered? That look was the same one he had in the Iron Man 2 themed Dr Pepper commercial I saw last night. Man, I’m thirsty. Lord, is Robert Downey Jr. hot for being in his forties.

Hello, Rob daahling, won’t you come and sit by me on this cushy couch in yon dimly lit room and share a refreshing Dr Pepper?

Ahemspluttercough

So, how about those Caps?

Please note: stream-of-consciousness does not have to be pretty, or make much sense at all. It can also go something like: I love writing! Hey, wanna go ride bikes? Wow, I could write about bikes! Ooh, look a BUTTERFLY!

It really is an ideal writing format for those hyped up on caffeine or enjoying symptoms of insanity, as you are just writing out whatever the heck pops into that pretty little head of yours.

That said, this is the image that just appeared in my mind’s eye, unrelated to any of the above except the word “pretty”:

Sorry, fellas—this would be my personal eye-candy post. Ladies: you’re welcome. I could write stream-of-consciousness about that image too, but it wouldn’t be…uh, kosher.

In other news, I'm totally psyched about "Iron Man 2" and "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time."

The end.

Fan fiction

2010-04-20T21:17:00.007-04:00

I have discovered a wonderful way to be creative without the pressure: fan fiction.

Fan fiction is the practice of writing about already established characters, in worlds not of your own making, often putting them in new situations, or "rewriting" the way the original plot went. The practice is mildly disdained by authors (and I would assume script writers as well) because, hey, I wouldn't want you changing the canon of my story either. That said, never publish your fan fiction, on the internet or otherwise. You may ruffle feathers.

However, if you're writing fan fiction for your own amusement, as a bit of a writing exercise, I've discovered it works wonders. Currently, I am toying with a fan fiction involving the most recent movie adaptation of Sherlock Holmes--you know, with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr.

(No, you don't get to read it. It's for my personal amusement, and no one else's.)

My aim was to capture the characters as portrayed by those actors, and the style of the dialogue, as well as the pacing and intensity. Whether or not I succeed is another story, but it helps me improve my own style by emulating another. For instance, have you ever tried writing the way Tolkien or Lewis writes? It's ridiculously hard, because their styles are so unique, but but by emulating them, it helped my writing become or poetic and elegant. Or it at least made me think in a more poetic way.

Try it sometime: take your favorite author, or movie, and write a scene with those characters, in their world. Add a few of your own creations, or just work with what's already there. Immerse yourself in the style; it could help you discover a whole new rhythm, or spark an idea for an original story.

It could even help you break through the writer's block.

Old dog, new tricks.

2010-04-15T14:15:00.002-04:00

Okay, everyone. I've promised myself that I will start blogging on a semi-regular basis. My idea about chronicling adventures-in-condo-ownership needs to be expanded a bit. Well, technically the condo aspect needs to be toned down, and the writing aspect needs to be amped up.

From now on, I will attempt to keep you all up to date with my writing career. That includes but is not limited to failures, breakdowns, rants, manic episodes, and pestering you all for story ideas or rambling on and on about writer's block.

This could get messy. Are you still with me?

Okay, welcome back. Here are the ground rules: I love comments, as long as they are constructive. If, by some random chance, mudslinging starts to occur, the offenders will be tarred and feathered. Or have their comments removed, which ever is easiest.

But, as we're all friends here, and I'm pretty tolerant, that may never happen.

Also, disclaimer: If I solicit feedback on a plot I'm working on, I may not use your idea. It doesn't mean it's bad, or I don't appreciate the suggestion (I do! You give me ideas!), it just means it's my story, silly, and I'll do what I want. :) If you REALLY like your idea, write your own story. No, seriously. Write one--it's fun! And agonizing. And deliciously insane.

But more on that later.

For now, a quick update on the condo: I have painted a grand total of one room (the guestroom), but I have all the furniture I could possibly need. The cats are just as crazy as ever. My upstairs neighbors got a new puppy, who is fluffy and just the friendliest little dog you ever did see. I like him better than the other one, who is yelp-ie. Not that the other is bad, just, you know, loud. But I digress.

A writing update: I received the Defense Media Activity-Army 1st place award for Best Sports Feature, "Flat Track Fever," on soldiers in the roller derby. I have a shiny plaque! Not that you've ever heard of that award, as it is internal, but hey, I won something, right?

I have also queried roughly 20 literary agents over the past year. Currently, I have 5 queries out right now, regarding my children's manuscript "Wordspinner" (oooh, the blog title makes sense now, right?). I did have about 7 out, but I got two rejections within a week of one another. Both on 24 hour turnarounds. That stung a bit, but that's the name of the game.

Soon, I will regale you with photos of my adventures, and dazzle you further with my musings on writing. Or not writing, whichever the case may be. Until then!

Adventures in air conditioning

2009-07-22T19:18:00.003-04:00

I discovered around a week and a half ago that my AC was not blowing cool air effectively. I thought the cooler nights made the AC think its services were not needed, so I went a few days not worrying about it.

Then, one bright sunny afternoon, I strolled out to get the mail. On the way back in, my AC kicked on. All seemed normal at first, and then it screeched. I'm not talking a little cough, or a gentle high pitched hum, either. I mean it SCREECHED and RATTLED fit to wake the dead.

"Huh," I thought to myself. "That can't be good."

So, like in all crisis situations, I called my mommy. After consulting both parental units about the awful noise, I called the AC Repairman. He came early on a Friday morning, complete with baggy pants and tattoos of pin-up girls on his forearms.

(Note: the past two fix-it men were burly, tattooed, and weighed in at 230 lbs at 5 foot 7 inches...is there a uniform and weight requirement I'm not aware of for handymen? Interestingly, both were exceedingly polite. But I digress.)

He sauntered right up the stairs and out onto the patio where the AC suffered in the utility closet and asked what exactly was wrong. I told him about the screeching noise, that it happened just after the AC kicked on and lasted for about 10 minutes each time.

"Do you hear the other air conditioners right now?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Does it sound like that?"

"Uh, most definitely not. It was very loud and very distinct," I responded. I can only assume he was trying to determine the nature of the noise, versus judging me by my inexperience with ailing air conditioners. He proceeds to pull apart the panel I indicated (after checking the filter, which I had changed three days ago, thinking that may have been my problem).

Lo and behold, but the fan was coming lose of its casing. The fan blades scraping against the metal cylinder made the screech, and the rattle must have come from the unit's inability to spin properly. He tightened up some bolts, screwed the panel back together and turned the unit on again.

My house nearly blasted off into space. The AC shuddered to life, but it was blowing cool air now. Mr. Repairman said he'd order a new part and replace the old one as soon as it came in. And so, I existed in a pleasantly chilled yet cautious state of mind through the weekend.

And then. The horrendous noise got louder on Sunday, and fairly shook the house from its foundations. I upped the temperature for the house to 77, hoping to take some stress off the AC. Monday, Repairman calls to schedule an appointment. Heck yeah! Thursday (tomorrow) was the scheduled day of surgery. (Great googly moogly, there's the AC now. Battlestations! Everyone have their helmets?!?)

But today I received a forlorn call from Repairman's secretary. The factory sent the company the WRONG PART. Eegad! I have to wait until Monday for my AC to be completely fixed.

Um, sadness! :(

Until then, I can only hope this hunk of junk will hold together. (Hear me, baby? Hold together.)